28. Holiday Recap & Intentions for the New Year
“But it always has this, I guess I’ll call it bittersweetness. You look forward to it but, then when it’s over, it has this letdown that I feel like I always struggle with.”
Welcome to January! The end of the holidays can hit hard. Even when your holidays have been absolutely perfect, it can be challenging not to dread everything that awaits us in January. Whether it is taking down decorations, starting back on the work/school routine, saying goodbye to loved ones or even just facing those holiday bills – January is full of difficult tasks. We think for most people there is an inevitable sadness -- or perhaps cheerlessness is a better word - that permeates most people’s lives as January begins. It is so easy and tempting to shut the door on December and trudge forward with our heads down.
May we suggest a more nuanced approach? As January unfolds, spend some time thinking about your holiday(s). What were your high points? Replay those moments that brought you joy over and over as we traverse these long winter months. And then try welcoming January with a theme or some positive or fun intentions (definitely no resolutions or promises!). Do not be afraid to do this slowly. There is no rush! All of 2025 stretches in front of us.
We hope you will join us as Tara and Tina do all these things as we ease our way out of the holidays and into 2025. We relive the high and low points of our holidays, talk about favorite things of 2024 and our intentions for 2025. We hope our discussion helps ease your transition away from the holidays and generates some gentle excitement for the upcoming year.
-
[00:22] Tara Bansal: Hi, this is Tara Conti Bansal, and I want to welcome you to season two of our podcast, Messy Middlescence. My sister Christina Conti Donovan and I are in the thick of midlife and trying to help ourselves and others to learn about and hopefully thrive in this unique phase of life.
[00:42] Like adolescence, mid is a time of tremendous change, touching almost every aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes, but also many of the rhythms, relationships and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in various ways.
[01:02] Tina and I are figuring this out as we go, and we hope you will join us as we dive into and discuss topics and ideas that will help all of us grow and understand this special midlife phase and how to live it better, more meaningfully and joyfully, one day at a time.
[01:22] Hello. Hello. Happy New Year. This is Tara Conti Bansal, and I'm here with my sister, Christina Conti Donovan. And today we just wanted to take a pause and do some reflecting on the end of 2024 and looking ahead to 2025, some of our takeaways from the holidays.
[01:47] It is a busy time that I always feel like brings some pressure.
[01:53] And even the new year, I also feel like has all these expectations and I'm. I'm trying to, I don't know, really reflect more instead of jump into cramming more in.
[02:08] And I don't know how many years do I keep saying that I'm still working on it. Yesterday, my boys went back to School on January 2, which it made the break feel really short.
[02:24] My boys had school Monday the 23rd, and they went back on January 2nd, which felt short to us, especially because a lot of the schools around us had the full two weeks off, but they did not.
[02:40] And I asked, I know my son Alex in fifth grade. They do circle time in the morning and they always have a question. And I asked what was your question?
[02:52] And their question was, if you could go back to one moment over the break, what would you choose? And one of his friends said, walking out of school, which I thought was very funny.
[03:10] And you have to know the child that that was so much them. But just that anticipation of having the break and looking forward to that is something. But Tina, how would you answer that question?
[03:24] Christina Donovan: I don't know. One of my favorite parts of the holiday is always sort of like that young student is that time on Christmas Eve where mostly everything is done and you can really start to enjoy having the holiday, having the people around you to be able to spend Time with them to enjoy the good food that you've been preparing.
[03:54] Yeah, it's sort of that anticipation and it's usually around mid afternoon, I think, on Christmas Eve, that sort of that special time.
[04:03] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[04:03] Christina Donovan: How about you?
[04:05] Tara Bansal: Mine was like, what came to mind was at your house Christmas afternoon when we were, you know, either sitting around at having like beautiful snack and hors d'oeuvres and at the Christmas table, just all of us enjoying being together.
[04:24] But I know what you're saying, just the feeling of like, I'm done. I'm not going to worry about getting any more gifts or I don't have to rap anymore and just like calling it anticipation.
[04:35] Christina Donovan: Yeah. Being with, you know, the people, finally being able to enjoy what it's really about and that being.
[04:44] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[04:44] Christina Donovan: With.
[04:45] I mean, our ch. My children came home.
[04:49] My son Jimmy, who is a senior in college, had been home for almost a week. But Maggie, who is graduated college and works in. Is going to graduate school in Boston, did not get home until the 23rd, third.
[05:04] So very late night.
[05:05] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[05:06] Christina Donovan: And then, I mean, all of Christmas, you know, even though they were home on Christmas Eve, it was spent busy, you know, so. Yeah, it's sort of.
[05:17] Everybody's running around, it seems like right up to that point. So even though people were home, it didn't really. I don't know, I was busy too. So you don't really see or spend time with them, it seems like, until.
[05:29] Until Christmas Eve when everything's hopefully done.
[05:34] Tara Bansal: And then did you feel like people got to relax and be together the day after Christmas too? Because you guys still had a lot of gifts to open?
[05:43] Christina Donovan: Yeah, no, I mean, we've.
[05:45] Tara Bansal: We.
[05:45] Christina Donovan: My family, I think we've talked about this. Does pajama day on the day after where technically nobody has to change out of their pajamas? Yeah. And I mean, that change. I mean, there's always a few things that have to get done.
[05:58] But yeah, it's a time of opening remaining gifts, looking at gifts that kind of got opened and then, you know, we had to move on.
[06:07] We always have a big. We have a fire all day in the fireplace and it's leftovers and. Yeah. Just kind of being together. So that's always just a special time.
[06:17] I can't say for everyone, but I know for my kids, a lot of that Christmas break, they're also seeing friends from high school and, you know, so there's this tricky balance of trying to spend time with family and see the people that they.
[06:34] This is their one time to see because they're home and you want them to be able to do that. Like, those friendships are important and you want them to nurture them.
[06:45] But it is still time away from our house and from our family. It's a tricky thing.
[06:51] Tara Bansal: Yeah, it is. And the break isn't that long, especially for, like, Maggie wasn't home that long and.
[07:00] Christina Donovan: Right. Yeah. I mean, Saturday they left, so. Yeah, it was. It felt very fast.
[07:07] Tara Bansal: Any lessons or challenges that you feel like?
[07:13] Christina Donovan: Well, I do think this holiday season, Christmas was on a Wednesday, and we had a very short.
[07:21] Tara Bansal: From Thanksgiving.
[07:23] Christina Donovan: From Thanksgiving on. So I do think that made everything compressed. I don't know. I've talked to many people about this now, whether it was like, there are only so many weekends for Christmas parties, so there was stuff overlapping there.
[07:38] And, I mean, just with shipping and mailing, there were tighter guidelines. I don't know. I was. It took me a long time to kind of get into the holiday spirit.
[07:47] I don't know whether it was that compressed time frame and I. This. I just felt more stress or. I don't know. It was kind of a funny season, but in that regard.
[07:58] But I don't know. It's that same thing. Like, once Christmas comes, like Christmas Eve, all of that kind of falls away, and you kind of realize it's not about the gifts.
[08:10] It's not about all the. I don't know, stuff that we make ourselves do. Yeah. And it's really just about being with the people you love.
[08:19] Tara Bansal: Mm.
[08:21] But it always has this.
[08:25] I guess I'll call it bittersweetness. Like, one of my sons going to school yesterday morning started crying, and he was just like. It was so short. I'm so sad it's over.
[08:38] And it's like you look forward to it. I think especially.
[08:44] Maybe I shouldn't say especially as a child, but, like, then when it's over, it has this letdown that I feel like I always struggle with.
[08:54] Christina Donovan: I think so, too. I mean, I think that's a very typical response. Response. And it's like a lot of events in life. You know, there's all this preparation and all this anticipation, and then the actual event is.
[09:10] It's so fast.
[09:11] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[09:12] Christina Donovan: And it is bittersweet. I mean, having your kids home for the holidays is exactly what you want. And then they leave and you're dealing with that. Yeah. That sadness. Like, oh, they're gone.
[09:27] When am I going to see them again?
[09:29] You know, you go from a full house to an empty house. And. Yeah, I think that it is. It's a tough it's very bittersweet. That's the actual perfect word.
[09:39] Tara Bansal: Yeah. One of my boys said, I think on Christmas Day, like, we're old enough now, it's not all about the presents. And there was a part of me that was like, did he say that because he was disappointed in his presence?
[09:53] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[09:55] Tara Bansal: It's okay, Mom. We don't really care about the presence. And I hope it was like, honestly, like, you know, it's not about the presence.
[10:06] Christina Donovan: Right. Realizing it's more about being with you guys and being with us and being together. Yeah, go ahead.
[10:13] Tara Bansal: One of my takeaways was like, my husband, who is wonderful, was like, you need to let me help more. And.
[10:23] And I always have this response of, like, I don't know. I. The takeaway is, I feel like, yes, I need to ask for more help and. Or, like, delegate. So.
[10:36] Because there were a couple of bad incidents where I didn't have patience and got upset. And. And I think it was from that, like, it just, like, ruined whole days.
[10:52] And it was like, it wasn't worth it, you know, like, for how stressed out I was. And. And I can explain it. Like, I haven't been getting enough sleep, you know, like, all these different things that you're fragile.
[11:04] But my husband's like, it's not, you know, like, then that's not what any of us want. And so how to.
[11:13] You know, I. I love that my husband wants to help, and sometimes I'm like, well, then just jump in, you know, But I have to, like, I think it is.
[11:23] How can I ask for more help and delegate to. You know, so it's not all on me.
[11:30] Christina Donovan: And I think tied into that is being okay. That when you delegate something that's not done exactly the way you want it to be.
[11:41] Tara Bansal: And I think that's what's hard.
[11:45] Christina Donovan: And that has taken me a long time to learn. But in the end, it's like, who cares if the vegetables are cut exactly the way I want or the lights are hung exactly the way I want?
[12:00] You know, it's all about just. Yeah. Kind of trying to de. Stress and make it enjoyable for everyone.
[12:09] Tara Bansal: Yeah. I mean, one of the times was when we were making cookies and I wanted the boys to help me. And yet, like, they made fun of me afterwards because it was like, every single thing they tried to do, I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no.
[12:26] And part of it was cause they hadn't done it before. Like, they didn't. And I was, like, trying to. But it. Obviously, I need to work on how to teach better and let go of with things like that.
[12:43] And to your point, like, the fact that we were doing it together was the most important thing, but unfortunately, it kind of left everybody with a bad, you know, feeling afterwards, which is sad.
[12:55] Christina Donovan: Yeah, that's exactly what you don't want. Yeah.
[12:58] Tara Bansal: And now I bet they'll be like, I'm not trying to cook with mom again, you know, so.
[13:04] Christina Donovan: But, yeah, I know.
[13:07] Before we got on the call, Tara had talked about how she's reading one of the books that I had recommended. And I'm not sure if it's in the first one or the second one.
[13:17] This is the Joyce Maynard series. But the mother talks about at one point trying to create, like, perfect Christmases for her daughter, for her children, for her two daughters and her son.
[13:30] And she has this thing that she talks about where she enters crazy land, which I totally can. We all know, empathize.
[13:38] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[13:39] Christina Donovan: Where, like, a mother just kind of freaks out and is in crazy land, but she talks about this specific Christmas where she spends hours making this bouche de noel, like a Christmas cake.
[13:52] And, you know, she has this vision of this just beautiful Christmas, and then her husband does something that sends her into crazy land, and she ends up, like, making a big thing where she.
[14:03] Tara Bansal: She throws the cake.
[14:04] Christina Donovan: Cake into the trash. And I don't know, it's very. On the one hand, you're kind of horrified, but on the other hand, you're like, oh, I can totally see myself doing that.
[14:14] You know, this idea that you're just. You're pushed over the edge. And the thing that she's trying to create and the memories and feelings that she's trying to bestow are just destroyed in, like, this.
[14:27] This transaction or emotional argument with her husband. And then, you know, how the fallout from that. And I mean, guess what her kids remember from that. Yeah. You know, not the beautiful cake and the wonderful Christmas.
[14:41] I remember her going into crazy land. Yeah.
[14:45] Tara Bansal: Which I think most of us can relate to, or at least I. And. And that was one of my lessons, like, how to avoid crazy land and to remember what's really important.
[14:56] Christina Donovan: And yet when it's happening in the moment, it is. It's super challenging. Yeah.
[15:02] Tara Bansal: Yeah. Anything else from the holidays team that.
[15:07] Christina Donovan: I don't know. What was your favorite gift that you received from?
[15:10] Tara Bansal: Oh, most of my gifts were things I asked for, so. And Nimit did a really good job with that.
[15:21] I don't know. I. I'm wearing. I got a pair of expensive, like, winter tights from Title Nine that I really like.
[15:33] Probably that's my favorite. It's just these. There's. They're super warm and soft, and I think I'll wear them a lot. They were more money than I would usually spend, but to me, that's kind of what a gift should be.
[15:48] Christina Donovan: Yeah. What was the favorite gift that you gave somebody?
[15:52] Tara Bansal: Oh, I don't.
[15:54] I will say the gift I was most excited to give. Okay. Was this.
[16:02] It's like a football passer. So you put the football in and it can run different. It does it automatically because my one son is outside by himself, like, just tossing the football up.
[16:17] And so I thought he would be really excited about that, but he hasn't even tried it, so I don't know.
[16:25] I just thought that was such a great idea.
[16:28] I was really excited for it because he will play with his brother when he's home, but a lot of times he's not home, so he's by himself. And I just thought that would be something really great.
[16:42] Oh, we got this game, which Tina. It's called Outsmarted, and it's like a trivia game. But the negative is you need WI Fi, but the positive is you can play with people and families remotely.
[16:59] And the questions are, like, up to the minute. Like, there's. One of the categories is, like, breaking news. And the questions were in the past week of, like, you know.
[17:15] Yeah. So current events, which we've been. We've been playing almost every night. We don't really play against each other, but we are having a really fun time just with the questions.
[17:28] And so part of me wants to play it with another family remotely. That I think, because. Because we have the game, we give the code to the other family. And I think that would.
[17:42] Christina Donovan: Who found that gift?
[17:44] Tara Bansal: I found that gift. And that was one, like, that was a surprise, you know, Like, I think everybody had Christmas lists, and I gave a couple of gifts that weren't on, you know, anyone's list.
[17:57] That one, I feel like, did well. The other one, I got, like, a massager that the boys don't seem to like, but.
[18:08] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[18:10] Tara Bansal: How about you? Do you have a favorite gift you received?
[18:14] Christina Donovan: I was sort of like you. I mean, I had a list, and I guess, like, our kids gave Matt and I pickleball paddles and balls, which was a really good gift, I think, because it's something we can play as a family, and we do play with other people, but we're usually borrowing paddle.
[18:38] And so now you can. So now we can. And. Yeah. So that was probably and that wasn't something that was on a list. Was on a list. But they obviously.
[18:50] And it was something actually I thought about buying for our family just like you did. Like, nobody asked for it. So, I mean, the fact that they realized that was.
[19:00] Was hopefully we'll get to take advantage of that stuff. So do you have a favorite gift you gave?
[19:11] I don't know.
[19:13] Our kids, everybody got, like, an outfit that was. It's hard when your kids are older, but I gave everyone a pair of pants and a shirt or like a top.
[19:23] And I was super excited. I picked all of them out, and I thought they were very.
[19:29] They matched the personalities and the style of the people that I bought for all three of my children. And I was excited to give those because I really liked what I had picked.
[19:39] But of course, as it goes with clothing, it's always kind of hit or miss.
[19:45] And Jimmy kept the shirt, but not the pants, and Maggie kept the pants but not the shirt. So. Yeah. But it was fun. I had fun picking them out. So even though they returned them, it's some of the things.
[19:58] It's fine.
[19:58] Tara Bansal: Like, so part of it was the fun and the effort. Yeah.
[20:03] Christina Donovan: Kind of trying to find stuff that I thought they might like. So. Yeah.
[20:07] Tara Bansal: That's nice. Yeah. Gifts. Gifts to me are hard because I.
[20:13] Christina Donovan: Feel like we're at a point where nobody, at least for us, really needs anything. It's.
[20:20] Tara Bansal: Mm.
[20:21] And we are. Yeah. We're privileged for that. Each of my boys got.
[20:27] Nathan loved the book I gave him, and it was called Beauties.
[20:32] I mean, he literally wanted to just keep reading it every single second.
[20:37] So that was. He really loved it. I think he said that was his favorite book. And I think, Tina, you asked Alex what his favorite gift was, and I think he said, like, the chocolate covered marshmallows.
[20:49] Is that what he said?
[20:50] Christina Donovan: He did say.
[20:53] Tara Bansal: But, yeah, it's one of those.
[20:55] Christina Donovan: You never know what is going to strike somebody's fancy.
[20:59] Tara Bansal: Yeah. It is the thought that counts. Yeah.
[21:02] Christina Donovan: And as my husband said, I mean, I always get nervous about the gifts, but he's like, it's more about just having something to do together. I mean, ultimately, like, yeah, it's a way to spend time together.
[21:16] Time together.
[21:17] Tara Bansal: The show, to me, it's also just the showing of consideration and thoughtfulness more than anything else.
[21:25] Christina Donovan: But, yeah, I know my family spends a lot of time with stockings, and I almost think at this point, stockings are more popular. Yeah. I don't know. That's. We spend a lot of time and money doing the Stockings.
[21:40] And everybody seems to enjoy that.
[21:46] Tara Bansal: But I think a lot of families. That's true. Or at least I feel like I've heard that almost. I also think as kids, people get older, the stockings are more conducive to.
[21:58] Christina Donovan: Yeah, I mean, I think it's a lot less. You're buying things that are not very much money. And I know, like, we have a rule in our family that if you see something for somebody's stocking, just buy it.
[22:10] Yeah. And so.
[22:11] Tara Bansal: Which makes it fun, too.
[22:13] Christina Donovan: I mean, like, the boys always get each other some type of bathroom humor, you know, Like. I don't know. This year it was a skippity toilet that was in. I don't know.
[22:24] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[22:24] Christina Donovan: So. But yeah, it's fun.
[22:26] Tara Bansal: And I don't know, was it the socks last year with each other's faces on it? What year was. Didn't. Was that in the stocking?
[22:34] Christina Donovan: No, that was an actual gift. Yeah, but.
[22:37] Tara Bansal: But those were cute.
[22:38] Christina Donovan: Yeah, they were fun. Do you want to talk about the favorite things?
[22:42] Tara Bansal: Yeah. So this year we, the Conte family, did get together.
[22:49] The favorite things is something I look forward to. And like, by far the hardest part is trying to find a time that works for so many people and with all the different time zones and the busyness of the holidays.
[23:08] So we sent out a doodle poll, just trying to find a time. So a lot of times were offered and it was just like we were going to go with whatever got the majority.
[23:21] And it was New Year's Eve at noon, which was 9am for our Pacific time. Yeah. West coast family members.
[23:33] But almost everybody was there, which felt really nice. Every family was represented.
[23:41] Our brother Tim wasn't able to be there because he was working.
[23:45] And I don't know, we missed it last year. So that to me was sad, but I thought it was great. Like, I don't know. This year it didn't go too long and I don't.
[23:58] I'm not sure why.
[24:00] Yeah.
[24:01] Christina Donovan: And I think that's actually a good. Something good for next year that people know it wasn't a huge time commitment. You know what I mean? That, like, I think that bears.
[24:11] Helps. Well, for. Yeah. People wanting to continue to do it because it wasn't a huge time. It was less.
[24:18] Tara Bansal: Because now we know.
[24:20] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[24:21] Tara Bansal: How it works.
[24:23] Christina Donovan: And people, I think, know to kind of not to go on and on and on.
[24:28] Tara Bansal: And there was questions of like, does it actually have to be a thing or can it be an experience? And I don't know. I. I told people, whatever.
[24:37] Christina Donovan: Whatever you want?
[24:38] Tara Bansal: Yeah, like, it's more about, to me, us being together and connecting and hearing from each other, just something or some things that stood out from the year.
[24:51] And yeah, I loved it. I mean, it was definitely one of my highlights from the past few weeks.
[25:00] Christina Donovan: Yes, me too. I think it was just really nice to have everyone together. I mean, we don't see most of our family over Christmas or New Year years, so it was a way, as Terri said, to kind of touch base.
[25:12] Tara Bansal: And see and hear from one.
[25:14] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[25:15] Tara Bansal: My boys kept asking, whose favorite things surprised you the most? Did you have any, like, surprises?
[25:25] Christina Donovan: I guess the thing that surprised me and I had said this actually when we were out later that night. I don't know how much traveling our family does.
[25:38] Tara Bansal: Oh, my gosh.
[25:39] Christina Donovan: I mean, so much of it was just events that. Places that people had been to and.
[25:47] I don't know, my family didn't really travel at all in 2024, and we generally don't travel as much as other members of the family. But, yeah, it really, to me, stood out on how many.
[26:00] I don't know, I guess how. How fortunate and privileged people are to be able to plan and go on these trips from both a financial and a time perspective. Yeah.
[26:13] Tara Bansal: I mean, the places that's. I think, to me, Hong Kong, Finland, Australia.
[26:21] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[26:22] Tara Bansal: I mean, Brazil.
[26:25] Christina Donovan: The Olympics.
[26:26] Tara Bansal: The Olympics, yeah.
[26:28] Christina Donovan: I mean, British Columbia.
[26:32] Tara Bansal: I traveled more last year than I think I would like. I was thinking. I mean, I got to go to Paris, which was wonderful, but I don't know, I. I don't want as many trips.
[26:47] I think if you ask me what, you know, what I would like better for this year is not as many trips as we probably did last year. But I'm the exception in my family.
[27:00] I'm more a homebody, and most of my family wants to just go, go, go, go, go. And it always kind of creates this tension of. Because we went to Lake Placid after Christmas, and I was the only one that didn't really want to do that just because I felt like staying home and relaxing and chilling.
[27:23] We went. It was beautiful. And I mean, I'm. I'm glad we went, but I. I wouldn't have chosen just because it felt like we were cramming so much in.
[27:36] Christina Donovan: And you had a short break. Yeah, that's.
[27:39] Tara Bansal: That was the other thing. But we had fun. We got to ice skate on the lake, which, to me, ice skating outside is so.
[27:50] Christina Donovan: Yes. Special. And I think our whole family feels that way.
[27:54] Tara Bansal: That felt nice, and it just was beautiful.
[27:58] It felt far, I guess, also just for a weekend.
[28:01] But, yeah, I mean, I liked also the variety of favorite things. There were definitely a lot of experiences, but there were books, there were movies. Movies, even a video game.
[28:19] Yeah, I. But to me, it was just like hearing from everyone that made it feel special.
[28:27] Christina Donovan: Yeah, I totally agree.
[28:28] Tara Bansal: So that was fun and we'll put it in. But you can refer back to our call from last season where we talk more about the favorite things. If you're like, I don't know what Tina and Terry are talking about here.
[28:43] And I mean, I guess I'll join in that the Friends Favorite Things party here, that's in person. And you have to pick a gift that's usually around $5, but you have to buy 15.
[29:00] This year we had to buy 15 of them. And it's always interesting to see what creative, different things people had.
[29:10] I.
[29:12] I gave these, like, individual hooks that we bring with us when we travel so that you can always find hanging up wet towels or hanging up coats that are easy to use.
[29:25] So that was the favorite gift I gave this year. But somebody gave, and I feel like this is a dream come true.
[29:34] It's one of those.
[29:36] A handheld luggage weigher.
[29:40] Because when we fly with Frontier, we often are very, very, very close to the weight limit and we don't own a scale in our house. And so I am really.
[29:53] That was probably my favorite gift from the favorite party.
[29:58] But it gets you to try different things.
[30:02] One was a protein drink that we tried, and I think we're going to continue to buy.
[30:08] Somebody Gave, and I haven't tried it yet. The thing that tapes your mouth shut, Tina, when you sleep.
[30:15] Christina Donovan: Have you read about that? I know people that use them. Yeah. No, not for me.
[30:19] Tara Bansal: So that was given. I haven't tried it yet, but I do notice, like, how much I sleep with my mouth open or closed because I've read different things about that.
[30:30] Trying to think. What else? Oh, somebody gave, like, lacrosse balls for massaging.
[30:36] And they have been used a lot. That was one of the. Nathan uses that a lot for his tight muscles. And so that party is always very fun. And once again, it's partly about being together.
[30:50] But then to see. I feel like you always learn.
[30:54] And somebody gave a book. Somebody gave.
[30:58] Yeah, a variety chocolates to get you to try different things. So that was fun. What are you thinking for the new year? Do you have any, like, themes or things here?
[31:12] Yes.
[31:12] Christina Donovan: I mean, as we've talked about, we're not big on resolutions, but I love the idea of the theme or just intentions. And I'm trying to find a clever way to encapsulate it in terms of words.
[31:29] But, no, I think for.
[31:32] For both Matt and I, I definitely want this year to be more about.
[31:41] The best I've been able to come up with is something like culture comforts.
[31:47] One of the things that I think has happened with us as our children have gotten older is that my husband works a lot, and he works. His job is stressful.
[32:00] We've talked about this in the past, but when our children were younger, he had. He coached. He had sports things and music recitals, and he had stuff that forced him to take breaks from work.
[32:18] You know, when you are coaching a hockey team, you have to show up. It doesn't. You know, and he made room in his schedule for those things, and I think that actually forced him to keep a better life.
[32:33] Work, balance.
[32:34] Tara Bansal: And boundaries.
[32:35] Christina Donovan: And boundaries. And I feel like what's happened now, as his job has continued to be stressful, but he doesn't have anything that forces him to step away. And I think it's easier to just.
[32:49] I know he complained about it at the time. He'd come home from a long day of work and then have to go to the ice rink or have to go to a music recital.
[32:58] And I know he was tired, but he had to do those things. And it gave him both a mental and physical break from just his work day. And so what I am thinking is we need to do more.
[33:14] And I'm calling them culture. But whether it's music or art or we have so many opportunities in the community, we live where we live. I mean, we have the Williams center at Lafayette College, which gets tremendous music acts that, you know, it's literally three blocks from our house, and they're usually on weekday nights.
[33:36] But it will force him to say no. Like, I have tickets.
[33:40] Tara Bansal: I have tickets.
[33:41] Christina Donovan: I'm going, you know, and so whether it's going to Iron Pigs games or to art shows downtown, we have a tremendous number of galleries, and we have a great arts community here that Matt is friendly with a lot of the people to try to take advantage of those openings.
[34:02] So, yeah, I think it's more trying to create a fuller life from a cultural standpoint. I mean, I know personally, I love to go to the movies, and I haven't been in the movie theater, I think, just like, once a year, maybe for the past few years.
[34:20] And Covid definitely affected that. But, yeah, trying to. Trying to do more of those types of things.
[34:27] Does that make sense?
[34:28] Tara Bansal: Yeah, that Makes a lot of sense and I love it.
[34:31] I talk about this book, but it's called Tranquility by Tuesday. And one of the, one of the objectives in it is like planning like a small event and a big event each week.
[34:48] And the big event just more I think is like time wise. And it's like how to. And just like you're saying like if you prioritize that, that then like you then adjust your other time to like do the emails and you know, like, I don't know, it.
[35:07] It's just like prioritizing the things that you want to do and how trying to help make those happen.
[35:14] No, I love that I.
[35:17] Mine, I'm pretty sure mine, I think is just play like I want to do more fun things and listen to myself on what sounds fun and how to make that happen.
[35:37] And so that's what I'm thinking for my theme this year, which is kind.
[35:42] Christina Donovan: Of similar to your.
[35:43] Tara Bansal: It is similar. Mine's just like a little more broad. More broad and. Yeah. So we'll see.
[35:50] Christina Donovan: What do you want to talk about your 24 for 24.
[35:55] Tara Bansal: Sure.
[35:56] So Gretchen Rubin always does a 24 for 24. So, you know, before the new year, you do a list of like Last year was 24 things you would like to do in the upcoming year.
[36:13] Christina Donovan: And.
[36:13] Tara Bansal: And I did it. I like pulled it up. I did it on Friday, December 22, 2023.
[36:21] And I, I may or may not share a picture I wrote, but So I listed 24 things. I did a terrible job. I was, I only did like six of the 24.
[36:36] I mean, what the one I did podcast I enjoy and am proud of. That's what we're doing now. I have a women's learning group. I put kind of sort of like we did get together.
[36:48] I don't feel like we got together as often as I had hoped, but I guess I'll count that.
[36:57] I've been doing photo books. So one of them was like to catch up on my photo books because there was a span.
[37:04] I don't know, I'd have to go back and see how many years I missed. But I would really like to get a photo book for every year. And I've been good about recently doing one for the past year.
[37:19] I for several years now on my like 23 for 23 or 24, but for 24. And this is what's interesting is to see things that you keep pulling forward that I don't do.
[37:32] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[37:32] Tara Bansal: And one of this is one like I, for several years I didn't create photo books. And I would love to go back and do those missing years of photo books. I have the photos.
[37:46] It just takes time. So I have been good about doing the current year's photo book, but I even put like to try to do one per quarter in 2024. I did not.
[38:00] Once again, I only did the one photo book for the past year. I put. I wanted to hike 12 times. I probably hiked three times. I don't know. So that, like, even that, like, I don't know how you score yourself.
[38:17] Like, I didn't really achieve my goal, but maybe I did more hiking than I would have without it there.
[38:26] I had a vacation, you know, alone with Nimit. We did that. We actually did two. I had like a friends overnight. That did not happen.
[38:37] Um, I put down and I forgot about this read Jane Eyre. I. I didn't read that. I've never read Jane Eyre. It's just interesting. On like, I. I put get better sleep.
[38:49] I would definitely say I did not accomplish that.
[38:53] The fun, like in this one, I think I am learn to read music. Like, I don't know how to read music. And it's something I always talk about. And I know it's more just like I can look up a course online and do it, but it's finding the time to do it.
[39:10] Yeah. So I did not. One of mine was organize my recipes. Like, that was one of my gifts I got last year. I still have not done that, but.
[39:21] And I think I said this last year, but like to put fun things you want, you know, to do, like the hiking or the like. Sounds interesting or exciting.
[39:32] Christina Donovan: Like the friends having a friend's night or. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just think it's an important exercise to help think of that you're doing things that are important to you or that like you said, bring some enjoyment and joy into your life, you know.
[39:51] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[39:52] But I did not do very well when I look at the numbers. But that's okay. I think that's part of it is just setting the intention and having some fun with it instead of like beating yourself up over it.
[40:07] But yeah, I will do it again. I haven't done my list yet, but was this.
[40:16] Christina Donovan: Was that the second year you've done it?
[40:18] Tara Bansal: I think so, yeah. Yeah.
[40:20] Christina Donovan: Kind of interesting to see, as you said, like, what. What keeps moving.
[40:24] Tara Bansal: I keep pulling through then.
[40:25] Christina Donovan: Yeah. Or like how your ideas differ from year to year. Like, it's actually a pretty interesting record. I think, like if you do it every year to look back on, you know.
[40:36] Tara Bansal: Yeah, it is. And even like that one exercise of things you. You want to do or would love to do, like it's similar to that.
[40:48] Christina Donovan: Just more in a very finite. Yeah. Time frame.
[40:51] Tara Bansal: Time period. Yeah.
[40:53] Gretchen Rubin, because this year's 25, she actually did like a bingo card, a five by five and wrote them in. So you can kind of like, if you wanted to have some fun of.
[41:05] Christina Donovan: Like trying to get a row or. Yeah, yeah.
[41:10] Tara Bansal: She's creative like that. But that was fun.
[41:13] Every new year, I always think of like things I want to do and I'm trying.
[41:22] I don't know, it's like this give and take of like I don't want to add more things onto my plate. And yet like. And I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out is if it sounds fun or it's like, I would love to go for more walks.
[41:40] I did a lot of walking.
[41:43] I feel like in 20 since COVID and then this year I did not do as much walking. But that's one of my. I love walking with people or by myself.
[41:55] But how.
[41:57] I guess I was talking to a fellow coach yesterday and she was like, you want to do all these right brain, creative things, yet you come at it from such a lake.
[42:11] Left brain, disciplined left brain.
[42:16] And I guess that's what I'm trying to. I don't want it to feel forced.
[42:20] And yet my personality is so like disciplined of, you know, wanting to do these different things.
[42:29] Christina Donovan: Although I do think, I mean, I know a lot of artists, there's an element of discipline that's required.
[42:36] Tara Bansal: Yeah. Like Stephen King talks about that in his writing.
[42:39] Christina Donovan: I think writers are that way. Like, you sit down and you write regardless. Regardless of whether you feel inspired or, you know, have like, you're going to have good days and bad days.
[42:50] And the important thing is to have every day a writing day, you know, And I think even people. Yeah, I think that's across the board. Yeah.
[43:01] Tara Bansal: But just interesting. Like I keep saying I want to simplify and yet my tendency is like to add more to do's to my list. So just that's noticing that that shows.
[43:15] Christina Donovan: A lust for life, you know, which is good. Yeah.
[43:20] Tara Bansal: Anything you want to like learn or try or. Yeah.
[43:25] Christina Donovan: I mean I have a lot of hobbies and things that like I do, but I don't do that well. And I don't know, I. I have all these classes that I'd like to take.
[43:37] And I know it's funny. Like my roommate from college, Susan, every time she's here. She. She talks about things, too. And sometimes I wish we lived closer, you know, like, she wants to take a knife skills class, like for cooking, you know, Like, I guess they offer that and I don't know, maybe they offer that here too, but she.in
[43:56] Minneapolis and she's like, I just want to be able to know, like, when I cut an onion that I'm doing it the most efficient way. And I was like, yeah, like, I would love to do that.
[44:05] I have knitting classes that I look at all the time that I've never actually attended, but some of that's because they're on Saturdays, and Saturday tends to be a day that I want to be here with.
[44:17] Tara Bansal: Safe.
[44:17] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[44:18] With Matt, my husband and my family. So, yeah, I mean, we'll see. I'm sure I'm going to do a 25 for 25 list and I'm sure we'll see some of those pop up on my list.
[44:32] But, yeah, like, I'd love to do a floral arranging course.
[44:36] That's something that holds a lot of appeal to me.
[44:40] Tara Bansal: But.
[44:41] Christina Donovan: And it's not that I need somebody to do it for. I think some of it's giving yourself permission.
[44:47] Permission to take the time away from, you know, other things that you do.
[44:52] Tara Bansal: But to your point, like, if. And I. I feel like this is true even if you and I lived closer, like, we would do some things, like, it's easier or encouraging to do it with someone.
[45:05] Christina Donovan: Right.
[45:05] Tara Bansal: That you're looking forward to seeing too. And. Yeah, yeah, because I. I talked to Nimit. Like, I was thinking of trying to sign up for Pickleball, but I would love to do it with someone that I knew, you know, instead of just like.
[45:22] And I don't know, I'm sure I would make new friends, but. But it's a little outside my comfort zone and it feels like an effort, you know, And I think that's the thing.
[45:33] Christina Donovan: If you had all the time in the world, it'd be different. It'd be easier to make that effort. But when you're squeezing it in with other things, it's easy to say, well, I'll do it some other time.
[45:43] Yeah.
[45:44] Tara Bansal: And to that point, like, when my kids are gone, you know, like, then I'll have more time and more freedom that, you know, some of these things. Yeah. Some of these are at this phase, you know, it may not be the right time to do, but.
[46:01] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[46:02] Tara Bansal: Well, that. Anything else, Tina?
[46:06] No.
[46:08] I mean, we both Hope you have 20, 25 as a year filled with good things that you want and that you can help make happen. We would love to hear your comments as always and check out the show notes for just things we talked about here, but Happy New Year.
[46:31] Christina Donovan: Happy New Year.
[46:33] This is Tina and I am doing the recommendation for this episode and it is actually a book. Even though we gave a list of books last week. This is one more to add to your list.
[46:48] The book is titled Small Things like these and it is by the Irish writer Claire Keegan.
[46:55] It was published in 2021 and I feel like it got a lot of exposure recently due to a film adaptation of it starring Cillian Murphy that was released in November.
[47:12] It is short.
[47:14] It probably might be classified as a novella. It's maybe 100 pages and most people I know seem to read it in one sitting and often read it more than once.
[47:26] It takes place in the weeks leading up to Christmas, but I wouldn't call it a Christmas story.
[47:34] It is beautifully crafted and beautifully written. It has won a number of prizes and awards.
[47:43] The writing is super sparse and the way Ms. Keegan is able to tell the story and build the characters and the amount of detail that she gets across with such spare writing, it's amazing.
[48:02] It blew me away and I highly recommend you check it out.
[48:07] The book, I must add, can be difficult to find. I was unable to get it out of our local public library, although I was able to find it in our public library's online catalog and read a digital copy of it.
[48:26] So again, the book is Small Things like these by the writer Claire Keegan. We will have a link to it on the Messy middle essence website www.messymiddalelessons.com
[48:42] in the recommendation section. And I will also include a link to a podcast that the New York Times Book Review did on this particular book, so we hope you check it out.
[48:55] Happy New Year.
[48:57] For show notes and other information about our podcast, please Visit our website messymiddlesence.com if you enjoyed listening, please help spread the word about our podcast by sending a link to a family member or friend.
[49:12] And don't forget to leave a positive rating or review for us. As always, we hope you will return for more.
-
Previous Messy Middlescence Episode #10 where we discuss Favorite Things Get Togethers
What Tara gave for her physical gift at the in person Favorite Things Party - 6 Over the Door Hooks that she likes to travel with.
Previous Messy Middlescence Episode #9 Where we discuss Choosing a Theme for the new year
Laura Vanderkam’s book, Tranquility by Tuesday.
Gretchen Rubin’s Information for making a 25 for 25 List
-
Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan
NY Times Book Review Podcast discussing Small Things Like These