32. Is it Hot or Just Me? Discussing (Peri)Menopause with Carin Luna-Ostaseski
“...women are looking for support, advice and resources to help navigate this journey with grace and ease...”
The hormonal changes men and women undergo in middle age is one of the defining aspects of middlescence. Similar to what teenagers/adolescents undergo entering puberty, the hormonal changes of (peri)menopause, particularly for women, are dramatic, significant and unique to each person. Western culture and medicine have until quite recently, largely ignored these changes and the symptoms that go along with (peri)menopause and andropause.
In regard to (peri)menopause, it has been reported that most doctors receive only 1-2 hours total in their training. And while menopause is a natural process, there are at least 24 possible symptoms that can range in intensity from mere nuisance to life-altering. It is an extremely important quality of life issue for middle-aged women and those that love them. For those of us currently in mid-life, we are fortunate to live in a time when research, knowledge and attitudes about (peri)menopause are changing.
We are absolutely thrilled to discuss all this with one of the trailblazers leading the charge for this change. Carin Luna-Ostaseski is on a mission to transform how women experience (peri)menopause. She is the creator of “Hot or Just Me,” a website that offers a comprehensive platform integrating informational resources, products and compassionate community support around (peri)menopause. Carin’s own experiences prompted the creation of her website. Carin’s approach to managing (peri)menopause symptoms is rooted in self-care: women need to give themselves the time and energy to acknowledge and treat their symptoms.
We hope this episode provides invaluable advice and support to women and their loved ones. Our show notes are full of helpful links and additional information.
In this episode we discuss the following:
Carin’s incredible story of being a trailblazer in the truest sense; the many lives she has led up to this point and her willingness to embrace change.
The importance of finding a good doctor along with tips on how to do so.
Being aware of our mental and emotional state during (peri)menopause and the need to “clean up our messes” and find either traditional or non-traditional support.
The lack of awareness in the workplace of the effect of (peri)menopause symptoms on women and ways to change this.
The importance of teaching young people a more complete picture of sex hormones and how they change throughout life instead of concentrating on one phase.
The need for more information and awareness of andropause and the ways this can be a source of connection for partners during this time of life.
The amazing products available to help treat and manage symptoms.
The importance of self-care.
The joy of having something that is just “yours”.
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[00:24] Tara Bansal: Hi, this is Tara Conti Bansal, and I want to welcome you to season two of our podcast, Messy Middlescence. My sister Christina Conti Donovan and I are in the thick of midlife and trying to help ourselves and others to learn about and hopefully thrive in this unique phase of life.
[00:44] Like adolescence, mid is a time of tremendous change touching almost every aspects of our lives. There are the physical and hormonal changes, but also many of the rhythms, relationships, and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in various ways.
[01:05] Tina and I are figuring this out as we go, and we hope you will join us as we dive into and discuss topics and ideas that will help all of us grow and understand this special midlife phase and how to live it better, more meaningfully and joyfully, one day at a time.
[01:24] Christina Donovan: Hello and welcome. This is Christina or Tina Conti Donovan, and I'm here with my sister, Tara Conti Bansal. One of the topics we really wanted to discuss in our second season was menopause.
[01:39] It's a big topic, though, and we haven't really been sure how we want to approach it. So you can imagine how absolutely thrilled we are to have the opportunity to have Carin Luna-Ostaseski on Messy Middlescence.
[01:58] Carin is on a mission to transform how women experience perimenopause and menopause.
[02:05] She is the founder of the website Hot or Just Me,
[02:10] which is an amazing website that integrates informational resources, products, as well as community support around the topic of menopause and perimenopause. So welcome, Carin. We're thrilled to have you here.
[02:30] Tara Bansal: Let's just jump in. Carin, tell us. I always say what you would like people to know about you and what's your story? I always love that. That's the question Brene Brown starts with, because I always want to know where people came from and how they got here.
[02:45] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, thank you. I think, you know, connecting all the dots, the word seems to be trailblazer.
[02:50] Tara Bansal: Okay.
[02:51] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: You know, I used to kind of hide behind, but now I've kind of just learned to own it. I've, you know, put myself in rooms I don't belong and continue to.
[02:58] To do so.
[03:00] But going all the way back. I was born in Miami. I'm a daughter of Cuban immigrants. And that's a big part of my story.
[03:07] You know, we didn't. We didn't have any money growing up. My parents didn't speak the language. They moved here with no connections or, you know, real resources. So it was definitely, you know, learning from watching them struggle through hard work and eventually find success.
[03:22] So it was definitely a bit of a journey. My parents split when I was young, and so I was definitely raised by a single mom. And that was also a beauty of seeing a woman, you know, rise through.
[03:33] Through challenges and strength and raise two kids with little means. I remember being at the. The dining table, and she went back to college as a, you know, later in life, and so she would be doing her homework, trying to figure out a word processor, and we would be helping her with that and,
[03:49] you know, correcting her English and her. In her term papers and whatnot. So it was. It was really beautiful to kind of see her, you know, go through that. That challenge and also, you know, come through the other side.
[04:00] And,
[04:01] you know, I think a big part of. Of my career was at first driven like this, this kind of push pull of, you know, should I go for what my mom tells me I should do, which is be a lawyer or a doctor or should I follow my heart and become an art?
[04:15] Was a big struggle because you don't want their sacrifices to be for nothing. So I. I ended up listening to my dad's advice and said, you know, just do what you love and the money will follow.
[04:26] And so, you know, I kind of said, all right, well, I do want to pursue graphic design. And that was a really scary leap for me because I didn't know anybody that had ever done it before.
[04:35] And, you know, it's definitely something that my mom was vehemently against. But I did it and eventually worked my way up to, you know, creative director for companies like ABC News and Reuters,
[04:46] really large media companies, and then moved out west to California, where I worked for a lot of tech companies that failed miserably,
[04:55] as, you know, a lot of Silicon Valley tech companies tend to do. And then I found myself a little disenchanted. This was in my 30s now and, you know, staring at a computer screen, designing things so that people could stare at their little screens all day long.
[05:11] And not surprisingly, I was also going through a big life change at the time, which was a divorce. And it shook me up to my core. Made me wonder who I am all over again and what.
[05:21] What defines me and what's my identity without this person? And I realized I was finding a lot of joy in a glass of whiskey,
[05:29] which is kind of funny because, you know, I wasn't really a big drinker, but I love these moments of connection in real life. And so I wanted to leave my career behind and just burn all the ships along with that relationship and.
[05:42] And eventually decided to start a brand of Scotch. So no one had ever done this as a woman before. I was the first woman in history to create a brand of Scotch whiskey.
[05:51] Yeah, you talk about an old boys club. There is none, none bigger than, you know, the scotch whiskey industry. And went on to build that business to success and created a grant program to support minority entrepreneurs along the way.
[06:05] And then eventually it was acquired by one of the largest spirit companies in the world. So I found love again. I remarried, and Now I have three kids. And around my early 40s, I found this.
[06:19] This question I kept asking myself and pretty much everybody around me was, hey, is it hot in here or is it just me? And came to realize that it was mostly just me.
[06:30] And that I was deep into perimenopause, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, all of the things. And realized that I was not alone, but that I had discovered a lot of tools and resources that could help many women.
[06:41] So not being a doctor or medical professional again, that, you know, imposter syndrome was, should you do this?
[06:47] Kept up coming up. But I said, you know what? The world needs this. Women need this. And. And so that's how I started Hot or just me. So that what's.
[06:54] That's what brings me here today. So thank you so much for having me.
[06:57] Tara Bansal: Oh, I thrilled. Couple of questions. So how old were you or were you born here in Miami?
[07:07] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I was born in the United States in Miami.
[07:08] Tara Bansal: Okay. And what. Where did you go to school? And you went for graphic design?
[07:17] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, yeah. So, I mean, growing up, we went to private schools. You know, that was definitely the sacrifice was made to make sure that we had a good education. I went to an all girl private Catholic high school, which was miserable.
[07:30] And so it was really fun to kind of switch gears and go to an art school. I went to the Art Institute and it was really eye opening to finally have people from different religions, different backgrounds, and boys in my class.
[07:43] So, yeah, it was a big change, but it was really beautiful to be able to express your work and your vision through design and to be able to receive critiques without it hurting your ego.
[07:54] I think that's a big part of learning in art school.
[07:57] Christina Donovan: Did you always do art when you were younger?
[08:00] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Uh, yeah, you know, I did. I was always drawing. I was always kind of putting together, like little collages. I'd take like Seventeen magazine and cut out, like pictures and words and make these, like, you know, beautiful kind of collages out of them and.
[08:16] And Then it was kind of recognized, I think, as well. In art school, I was voted, voted most creative. So whenever there was time to do like, you know, T shirt design or some kind of icon for an event, I was always kind of the.
[08:28] The person to do that.
[08:30] Christina Donovan: That's pretty impressive because it's probably a group of really creative people when you're in, you know, an environment like that. So. Yeah, that really says something.
[08:38] Tara Bansal: That's high praise. Yeah.
[08:40] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[08:40] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you.
[08:41] Tara Bansal: I love the term trailblazer too. I mean,
[08:45] just with what you've done with the whiskey and with what you're doing now.
[08:51] What another. Well, how long were you married before you got divorced?
[08:56] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, the first time around was eight years. Okay. And then now I've been married for 12 years together 14 years. And this one's gonna stick. Yeah.
[09:08] Tara Bansal: Well, it's interesting because my story's kind of similar. Yeah, I was married for close to 10 years and also like I moved out to San Francisco to be by myself for a little while and then kind of, I guess burned the bridges, but also went through a similar thing of what do I really want to do with my life?
[09:29] And that's when I went to life coaching school and started.
[09:33] Started anew. And then back East.
[09:36] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, the west coast is a good place to kind of like find yourself and you know, just kind of take it, take a minute and yeah, it's very, I don't know, I think there's a lot of counterculture here, but there's also a lot of, not to say self help, but I definitely found modalities that were new to me.
[09:51] Right. Like I'd never done meditation, I'd never done acupun or yoga or you know, these things that maybe like the east coast me thought was a little too woo woo have now become a big part of my life.
[10:01] Tara Bansal: So when did you move out to California?
[10:04] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I think I was maybe 29 or 30. Cause I remember it's. It's almost felt like I've spent decades in places. Right. Like my 20s in New York, my 30s in San Francisco, and now my 40s here in Napa Valley.
[10:16] Tara Bansal: Nice.
[10:17] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah. Oh, wow.
[10:19] Tara Bansal: Oh, also, what are the ages of your kids?
[10:21] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, I have a nine year old, an eight year old and a five year old. So the two older ones are girls and a little boy who has probably given me all of the gray hairs that I have.
[10:34] Tara Bansal: And how long or how old were your was your youngest when you started kind of noticing the is it hot in here or is it me?
[10:45] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I mean, he was Pretty young. So, yeah, I would say it was probably in my early 40s. I'm 47 now,
[10:51] that I was definitely waking up in the middle of the night, you know, with sweat or just kind of, like, tearing off the sheets, being like, oh, my God, it's just boiling in here.
[11:01] And then looking over. My husband has, like, 10 sheets on top of him.
[11:05] And then, you know, same thing, like, throughout the day, just kind of, like, peeling off clothing.
[11:10] And then I would say the insomnia was another one that kind of kicked in around that time of. Yeah, 2:00am Wake up. And then I would say the brain fog is another big one.
[11:20] Changes in your period. You know, it was just kind of started all kind of snowballing a little bit around that age.
[11:28] Tara Bansal: And were you surprised it was so early, or did you know what it was right away?
[11:32] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: You know, it's so funny. I. I think the first weird Google search I did was, why are my periods so heavy?
[11:39] Um, and then, you know, I called my mom and, you know, said, like, symptoms of perimenopause. I called. I called her, I said, when did it start for you? And she said, pretty early.
[11:46] I'd say, like, early 40s.
[11:48] But again, this is not the generational thing that we talked about back then. Right. So, you know, she didn't really understand back then, but there was a moment where she was just cranking the AC at, like, full blast.
[12:01] And so it was very much like, okay, kind of piecing it together. And I did go to my doctor, and I asked, you know, hey, I'm feeling a little blue lately.
[12:08] It's. It's not, like me, you know, pretty upbeat and positive as a person, but I'm just feeling a little, like, sad lately. And he was really quick to just want to, like, put me on some kind of antidepressant or SSRIs.
[12:19] And that just kind of scared me a little bit. So I was like, well, let me take a step back. And, you know, I was like, what about the sleep problems?
[12:24] He's like, oh, take this Xanax. And it was like just this. You know, all the alarms went off in my head, like, I don't want to become this person who's just popping pills.
[12:32] Like, there must be something else out there. And then, you know, started talking to other friends. I call it, like, girlfriend medicine. When, you know, you compare notes with your.
[12:41] With your ladies, and, you know, there's always that elder friend that's kind of been through it and kind of guides you through the way and says, oh, you Know, you're in perimenopause and like, oh, well, what's that?
[12:50] And it's like, oh, well, you know, these are the years leading up to menopause. And I thought, am I too young for that? And so realized that I wasn't with the right doctor.
[12:59] I had to go and find the right doctor for me. Um, and so I went on menopause.org where there is a directory of menopause certified physicians and practitioners that have taken extra step to learn more than the three years that they get in medical school.
[13:14] And what I came to find was also a lot of obgyns are very much in the business of, you know, delivering babies and maybe they've retired by the time that they have an older clientele.
[13:24] Right. And so I found an amazing doctor who has gone through menopause and has made it, you know, her purpose to kind of, you make sure that women are getting the support that they need.
[13:34] We had a lot of conversations around my relationship with hormones through birth control, ivf, and, you know, just, you know, what impact that had had on me and what my symptoms were and started to think like, okay, well, at what point should we start having the conversation to take,
[13:50] you know, hormone replacement therapy? But right now it's not quite there yet.
[13:54] Tara Bansal: What are you struggling with right now?
[13:57] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, you know, I have found a lot of tools that have really supported me. So I feel like I've got a lot of symptoms under control,
[14:05] but new ones pop up. You know, like, if I, if I were to tell you, like the top 10 of, you know, irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, vaginal dryness, mood changes, irritability, joint muscle aches, brain fog, decreased libido and weight gain.
[14:19] I'd say these days it's probably more in the mood changes in irritability, um, and a little bit more of these, like, you know, kind of stiff shoulder, joint muscle aches.
[14:28] But in the past, it was a little bit more around hot flashes and night sweats. So I think what happens is for me, I'm getting them, you know, just kind of a whack, a mole, if you will,
[14:38] getting different symptoms at different times. And, you know, I've learned that it's not a one size fits all for women. Right? Some women can escape many of these symptoms.
[14:48] Some, you know, have very obscure symptoms. There are over a hundred known symptoms of perimenopause, and some are really obscure, like ringing in your ears or, you know, frozen shoulder, burning tongue, phantom smells.
[15:03] So there's, there's Quite a few. But I think the one that was the scariest for me was brain fog. So, you know, walking into a room and forgetting why I was there was just kind of low stakes.
[15:15] But there was this one moment, and I talk about this in a Time magazine article, where I was driving and had no idea where I was headed. And it was really scary for me for those, like, 20 seconds where I was just like, this is so strange.
[15:29] Like, where am I going? And then it hit me. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to the car wash. But it really. It was an. An eye opener for me that I needed to kind of take steps to be a little bit more aware of.
[15:40] Of my mental state and, you know, start, you know, using my brain in different ways more.
[15:45] Christina Donovan: I agree.
[15:46] Tara Bansal: I mean, and I.
[15:47] Tina and I are both older than you are, but I always have the question, like, is this just normal aging or is this from,
[16:00] you know, perimenopause and menopause? Is there any good answers to that?
[16:05] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I think when you kind of, like, take a step back and see them almost like in a group. Right. Versus, like, these isolated things. Um, and then seeing, you know, if I'm.
[16:14] If I'm treating, you know, that symptom with, you know, whatever it is, it might be, you know, for a hot flashes, maybe it's cooling blankets or cooling sheets or, you know, I like to wear cooling jewelry.
[16:24] You know, just if those things are working, then you. You're kind of like, okay, this is more of perimenopause. But it's always important to meet with a doctor first to make sure that there's not something bigger going on.
[16:35] A thyroid issue, a heart issue, bone issue. So ruling out the big picture things first.
[16:42] Yeah. Which.
[16:43] Tara Bansal: Any. You talk about using your brain in different ways. What advice do you have on that?
[16:50] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh,
[16:51] I mean, I've become kind of like a little bit of a. I don't know, I feel like my grandmother. I'm, like, doing crossword puzzles. I'm doing sudoku, you know, trying to, you know, pick up, you know, things that are using my mind and my body.
[17:04] So I've taken up ballroom dancing later in life,
[17:07] and it's quite wild to kind of, okay, put together a choreography and use your body and mind in tandem versus just kind of sitting at a computer, which is what I did for so long.
[17:17] And then same thing, like, taking mental breaks when you need them. You know, being able to vocalize what you're feeling, if it's frustration, if it's anger, if it's confusion and just, you know, speaking it out loud, I think, puts a lot of power in it.
[17:30] And then, you know, again, back to the weird California things that I've picked up. One of them that's been extremely wonderful for me has been transcendental meditation.
[17:41] So just kind of learning that there is no wrong way to meditate. I think I was too critical before when I tried it, of saying, like, I'm doing this wrong, or I keep thinking about this, and there's a real piece around.
[17:52] Around TM that gives you permission to just let the feelings and emotions go through and just kind of like, float away as part of that process of. Of processing that.
[18:01] That thought or emotion.
[18:03] And then I've become, you know, very diligent about, you know, mapping out my day and my week, you know, on a journal. And there's one, it's called Productivity Planner. You really kind of time block all of.
[18:15] All of your day, so you know, what. What's happening, and then, you know, it's setting up your week for success as well.
[18:21] Tara Bansal: Is that something new? Like, did you not used to do that in your 20s or 30s?
[18:26] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Not at all. No, none of it. I think I was. You are very successful.
[18:30] Tara Bansal: So, yeah, I guess that that's something.
[18:34] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: New for you, I think. You know, back in. You know, I used to be someone that. I think growing up, my mom would always criticize me because she'd come in and I'd have the TV going.
[18:42] I'd be sitting on the floor doing my homework. The radio's on. I'm on the phone with my friend, and she's like, how can you even focus or concentrate? I'm like, hey, I get straight A's.
[18:51] Like, it's fine. I've got a system here.
[18:53] Tara Bansal: I'm doing it. It's okay.
[18:55] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: This is. This is what's working. And now I've become someone who's like, I can't. I can't multitask to save my life.
[19:01] Tara Bansal: Wow. Yeah, we talk about that in a.
[19:03] Christina Donovan: Previous episode because.
[19:07] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: That.
[19:08] Tara Bansal: That is a natural change.
[19:10] Christina Donovan: Aside from your doctor, like, how did you go about finding the resources and sort of materials that have helped you?
[19:17] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, yeah. So my doctor was really helpful. Gave me through our insurance, like, you know, programs and, you know, things that they. That they have there.
[19:26] And then also just other. Other, you know, naturopaths, if you will, acupuncturists or, you know, cognitive behavioral therapists, and then also friends. Right. So friends have recommended things, and then now it's become strangers building this community at Hotter Just Me.
[19:44] I've met so many other female founders of brands, so what I try to do is obviously support them through. Through selling their products on their site first. And so they have also created a network and community of their own.
[19:59] So tapping into these. These communities, it's become almost like this reverberation effect and a very welcoming community at that.
[20:08] Tara Bansal: What kind of community do you want to create or.
[20:12] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, I think very much around women in perimenopause.
[20:17] We say menopause, but that's really just the day, right? And then, you know, post menopause and, you know, just women that are looking for support, advice, resources to help navigate this journey with, you know, grace and ease.
[20:33] I think there's a lot of stigma in. In our culture around aging or about having to look a certain way or be a certain way or. I think as we go through this change in life, there's this moment that we all have is like, is this normal?
[20:48] Am I going crazy? Like, what's going on with my body? And it's almost like this second puberty, right, where you feel like nobody gets it. You're all alone. And my goal is to help women know that they're not.
[20:59] And then, similar with this business, as I did with my other, I always want to have a North Star or why or a cause. And so with sia, it was very much about helping other women entrepreneurs and minority entrepreneurs get the money and resources that they need to start their businesses.
[21:17] So through that grant program, in the course of the business, we were able to give $350,000 away to help support small businesses. And then now with Hot or Just Me, I very much want to shine a light to young women who don't have access to menstrual products.
[21:33] Not having this access keeps them sometimes from going to school or from participating in sports. And so, you know, it has a big impact as. As their. Their lives go on.
[21:43] And so the same way, I also want to shine a light on women in the workplace that are experiencing menopause symptoms. So how do we get our employers getting behind the support that women need as.
[21:58] As we age in the workforce? You know, we have programs for maternity leave and for, you know, nursing rooms. But what are we doing for our women who are aging and need temperature control regulation where they're working?
[22:12] If it's, you know, mental health breaks or if it's a uniform job? Like, what are we. What are they wearing, right? Like, is their fabric breathable? Can it be layered?
[22:21] Like, how can we support women Physically and emotionally through our changes.
[22:26] Tara Bansal: Would you say companies are receptive to that? Are you the one doing that? Or that's just.
[22:31] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: No. So I want to find. I'm still in search of the right program or organization to have an alliance with that can really move these mountains,
[22:43] because I think it's really important. But right now it's very early stages. It's not something that a lot of companies have embraced just yet.
[22:51] Tara Bansal: Mm.
[22:52] We've been dealing with and did a few episodes on grief. And something that is similar around perimenopause is just that everybody's experience and journey is different. Like, there's not. Like you said, there's so many different symptoms.
[23:11] There's even how long it will last when it starts, you know, And I do like the analogy of adolescence that people get their period at different times and, you know, the different symptoms they have.
[23:27] Like, I had really bad acne. You know, you never know exactly how it's going to manifest. And that's part of.
[23:35] I think the challenge of this is you don't know what to expect.
[23:41] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: No. And it's like, you know, like a birth story. Like, everyone's birth story is different.
[23:47] But the same thing with puberty. Right. Like, you know, I'm. I call it a hormone own household that I'm in right now because I've got, you know, a daughter who is showing signs of puberty.
[23:56] And, you know, one day she's crying, and I go up to him like, baby, what's wrong? And she says, oh, I don't know why I'm crying. It's the weirdest thing.
[24:03] I'm just crying for no reason. And I thought, oh, I know this. Like, we can. We can connect on this for sure. And so it's been really beautiful to. To have something in common.
[24:12] But I realized also, as a culture, we celebrate this coming of age, right? Like you're becoming a woman or you're becoming a man. And, you know, we. We talk to our kids about the changes that are happening in their bodies, their skin, their emotions, and their, like, all of the things that are going on,
[24:26] but we don't really give them the whole picture, right? Like, that your hormones will increase, like, very drastically right now, and they'll plateau through. Through your, you know, reproductive years.
[24:35] But then, you know, as. As you age, there will be a moment where there will be a decline, and that'll go up and down for. For girls, a little slower for boys or for guys, I should say.
[24:45] But the. You know, that it is a whole journey, right. Versus Just this moment in time. And so painting that picture so that they know when they're older, like, this is what's going to happen.
[24:54] And I've found a lot of really great resources for her, in particular through. I asked our therapist and, you know, friends that have older kids again, like the elders,
[25:04] you know, what. What did you use? And they said, you know those American Girl dolls? I said, yeah. They said, well, there's a really amazing book series that they have, and it's, you know, all about you.
[25:14] And there's, you know, a younger series and an series, and it's written in this kind of Q and A, like, way of, like, Tammy from Topeka style that, like, makes kids instantly feel like, okay, I'm not alone.
[25:26] Somebody else is dealing with this, too. But then there's also,
[25:30] you know, there's. I think it's. Is this Normal is another title. And All About Emotions is another book that they have, and then they have them for. For guys as well.
[25:39] It's called Guy Stuff and Guy Stuff Feelings. And so it's written really beautifully, and it's a good way to kind of, you know, kind of chip at what's going on in a particular moment of time.
[25:51] And then, funny enough, there's a book that's coming out, I would say, for women called how to Menopause. I think it's coming out in a few weeks from Tamsen Fadal, an amazing journalist.
[26:01] And I feel like it's going to be like that version of it for us.
[26:04] Tara Bansal: Well, that's. Yeah. Hearing you describe it, I was like, we need one of those for older women.
[26:11] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Exactly.
[26:12] Tara Bansal: And maybe even older men that. To help.
[26:14] Christina Donovan: And it's kind of funny. I mean, I'm. Well,
[26:19] I know those titles from the American Girl. I never really thought about it, but, like, they could be for menopausal women. Like, all those titles that you just, you know, listed.
[26:28] It's like, oh, yeah. Like, what are all these emotions and what is normal?
[26:34] It's kind of funny,
[26:37] but I love the idea of teaching young women, like, the whole picture. That's definitely not something that.
[26:47] I mean, you're told that it's going to end, but not really in any detail. And it's so far away when you're young and I think even in your 20s and 30s, even though you're aware of the concept.
[26:58] And it's. I guess it's sort of just this. It's like this hazy idea in the future, and then you don't really think about it until it hits you.
[27:07] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah. And that doesn't happen all at once. Right. So I think because it's kind of creeping up a little bit here and there. So, you know, you're kind of playing whack a mole and you're like, is.
[27:16] Is this. Is this what's happening here? Until you get enough that it feels like, oh, okay, I'm understanding now. Um, yeah, it just. It. It's.
[27:27] It's wild, right? Because it's not like there's a test like, oh, you've tested positive for perimenopause. It's just more of like, okay, kind of putting it all together.
[27:35] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[27:36] Christina Donovan: And I think there is way more. I just think even in the last 10 years, there's just been a tremendous amount of awareness and education around it. I think it is a term now that, you know, you see in the media and, you know, you hear people talk about women talk about.
[27:54] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, we had a little bit of that. That dark period where women weren't taking hormones or, you know, doctors weren't prescribing. And so now, you know, that we're realizing that some of that data was flawed or that the study wasn't, you know.
[28:09] Correct. And so realizing now that women are starting to kind of tiptoe back into being able to take hormones and even just like the term perimenopause is, if you like, in search terms, it's.
[28:21] It's on the rise. Right. So women are beginning to recognize it. And, you know, it's still. It's still, I would say, not where it needs to be. So hopefully, you know, through our voices, we can help.
[28:33] Help other women realize that, you know, no, you're not going crazy.
[28:37] This is totally normal. Everything's fine. But, you know, just to kind of pay attention to. To your health at this time in.
[28:43] Tara Bansal: Life and going back to, like,
[28:48] a generational thing is like, I don't think of many of our mothers are comfortable. Nobody talked to them about it, and they. That the elders now are more friends that are, you know, like a step up beyond you.
[29:05] You know, like maybe five or 10 years older than you that are more open to talking about it. Do you agree with that?
[29:13] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. I think, you know, my mom didn't know the word perimenopause. Right. You know, she didn't even really know. Hot flashes. It was just very much of, you know, suddenly like, okay, let's put on the air conditioner.
[29:25] We're walking around the house wearing, like, coats like, it's Miami in Miami. Yeah. Exactly.
[29:31] And it was funny, too, because she was very frugal and rightful, you know, just, you know, making sure that she had enough money for us. But so it was very much like whenever it was hot, we would say, mommy, please turn on the fan or the, the air conditioning.
[29:43] And she'd say, no, no, no, you have to turn on the fans. The air conditioner costs too much money. And then, like, I remember this time in life where she was just blasting the ace.
[29:50] Christina Donovan: You didn't care how much it cost.
[29:52] Tara Bansal: She needed that.
[29:53] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Exactly. Yeah.
[29:55] And then, you know, in. In corporate America, I remember having several bosses who, you know, they would. They would constantly be like, you know, taking off their jackets or in tank tops.
[30:05] But I didn't really understand it. Right. I just thought, like, oh, I hope they're okay.
[30:09] And so it wasn't really clear to me because, again, I'd never really known the whole journey. Right. We only get that. That sliver of like, you know, this is the part that you're in versus here's the big picture.
[30:18] I think it's. It's good now as we talk to our kids more openly about, you know, their bodies, about sex hormones, you know, about, like, puberty. So be able to kind of give them a bigger picture.
[30:31] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[30:33] For me,
[30:35] like, just the emotional, like crying for no reason and being, you know, like, I don't know, getting so frustrated and losing your cool,
[30:46] that. That is real. And I don't. I don't know what comes up is that most people don't know how to handle that.
[30:56] And I don't know, besides like a drug or something, you know, what, what is the best way to handle that? But I think part of it's communicating with others around the expectation that it's.
[31:10] That it is normal because of these things, changes that are happening within our bodies.
[31:16] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I mean, emotional regulation and, you know, you see it with our teens, right, that there's just having these ups and downs and so we are too. Right. And so just kind of being able to speak to it honestly and, you know, I call it cleaning up your mess.
[31:30] Right. Like, there's moments where I'm going to blurt out something I don't mean, but as soon as I can, I'm going to go fix them and say I'm really sorry about that.
[31:38] You know, I know it's had an impact on you. I'm, you know, trying to, you know, be a little bit more conscious of it. And I think also just, you know, having somebody to talk to.
[31:50] Right. Like, if it's a therapist if it's a trusted friend. But you can't keep it all bottled up inside. I think that that's just. It's unrealistic and, you know, knowing if there is a rhythm or a pattern to it to be able to kind of track it.
[32:04] So, you know, if it's on your phone or if it's a journal or just some way so you can start to kind of piece it together. Like, oh, I'm getting these emotional spikes a couple days before my period or a couple days before, you know, the day I'm supposed to be ovulating.
[32:17] And. And then, you know, really just naming the feelings. Like, I'm really upset, I'm frustrated, I'm confused, I'm lost, I'm scared, I'm lonely. Like, all of the things and. And to put it out into the world versus just kind of keeping it a bottled inside.
[32:31] One thing that I kind of realized a couple years ago was that. That it's not just me, right? Like, my partner, my husband is also going through a version of this called andropause, where testosterone is on the decline.
[32:43] Not as drastic as it is for women, but you know that they have similar issues that happen. And it could be like mood swings or depression, weight gain, hair loss.
[32:53] Like, it's almost like, oh, wow, like we're sharing the same experience here, but we're not talking about it. And so just this kind of open up that conversation with your partner, your loved one, of, like, what's aging like for you?
[33:04] Like, what are you feeling? And,
[33:06] you know, how is it affecting you and how's it affecting us, right, as a couple? So to really just have a little bit more dialogue around it and know that some things are going to change, right?
[33:16] Like, even just how we are with our libidos is something that we need to talk about and just say, like, okay, what are some of the tools that we need now that we didn't before?
[33:26] Tara Bansal: I know for me, the one symptom that. And we talk about it a lot on this show is sleep and lack of sleep. I mean, I feel like I.
[33:40] Most of my life I've been a great sleeper,
[33:42] and now I'm up for hours at a time and how frustrating that is. My primary care physician, who I do, like, she's like, why don't you do a sleep study?
[33:54] And it's like, I don't feel like I need to do a sleep study because this wasn't an issue before. I'm less stressed than I feel like I was in my 20s, 30s, and even 40s.
[34:08] So I don't think it's stress related. I do all the things that they tell you to do, you know, like, don't be on your phone, get into bed, relax, you know, you're better than I am.
[34:19] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I'm still on my phone.
[34:21] Tara Bansal: I mean, and I work out every day. I just feel like it's hard because that then affects everything else.
[34:28] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Right.
[34:29] Tara Bansal: With the emotional regulation. Yeah.
[34:31] Christina Donovan: I think it can really make your other symptoms even worse. You know, the lack of sleep, it just makes everything harder.
[34:39] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, I think about like, you know, if you have a bad night of sleep, you wake up the next morning and you're kind of groggy, a little irritable. Right. You probably make bad food decisions throughout the day.
[34:50] You maybe skip the gym because you're tired, you know, it's time to work. You might have a little bit more brain fog or concentration issues than usual. And then when it's time to be with your partner, you're just not in the mood because you're exhausted.
[35:02] So in some ways it's almost like this domino effect that kind of started with that first domino being a bad night of sleep. And so, you know, I kind of say like, if you go in your time machine, like, what can you do to have a good night of sleep and kind of minimize some of the these symptoms a little bit.
[35:17] And you know, we, I have a lot of tips on the site about this as well as products that I'll mention. But we, you know, I think a big one is just what does.
[35:24] What is your environment? Like, what are you putting in your body? You know, what are you sleeping on? So, you know, if it's about you're ingesting in your body, like it's funny being somebody who has spent 10 years telling people to drink alcohol.
[35:36] Now I'm kind of like become someone who's like maybe just drink in the daytime or, you know, don't have a glass of wine at night or, you know, caffeine is a big one.
[35:46] I used to drink like a couple cups of coffee a day and now I'm somebody that doesn't drink caffeine. But it took a little while to kind of get there.
[35:52] But also realizing that that afternoon cup especially it was, was going to have an impact on me and my sleep. And then, you know, I'll take a magnesium supplement at night so that it's absorbed throughout the night versus during the day.
[36:05] And then I think about the room. Right. So I used to be like one side of the bed sleeper And I realized that the air vent is on the other side of the bed, so I like, switch sides so I could be closer to where the.
[36:16] The cold air is coming from. And I got us some blackout curtains. I wear an eye mask. My. My partner sometimes snores, so I'll wear earplugs. And so then the same thing, like, with the bed.
[36:27] Right. Like, okay. I've got cooling sheets that we have on our. On our site as well. They're fantastic, but they really, like, they wick the moisture and keep the bed nice and cool.
[36:35] We have a series of sleepwear, so, you know, like, different nighties that kind of expose more skin.
[36:42] And then I'll have, like, you know, cold glass of water by the bed. I have a cooling eye mask. I've just got it all, like, the whole setup because sleep is so important to me.
[36:52] And then what happens when you do wake up at like 2am like, what do you. How do you get back to sleep? So I. I have this, a YouTube video that I found called Yoga Nidra that it's just really soothing and beautiful or some of these calm sleep stories that kind of help get me back to sleep.
[37:06] But, yeah, I mean, sleep is. Is everything.
[37:10] Tara Bansal: It is. I don't know. I know I can try the magnesium. I take magnesium. And just hearing you talk it, I take it in the morning, so maybe I should take it at night.
[37:19] And maybe that would help too. I know that is helpful for many people.
[37:23] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: And start slow. I've heard from people if they take like, too high of a dose, it might have a tummy issue. So, you know, maybe it's like half a capsule or, you know, half a pill or, you know, whatever the powder that you're using and then just see if that has an impact.
[37:37] Tara Bansal: But that's part of, like, is it lack of sleep or is it normal brain fog? Is the brain fog due to the lack of sleep? You know, it's how everything is all hard to tell.
[37:48] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[37:48] Tara Bansal: Tangled together.
[37:50] Christina Donovan: So I can assume that, like, you've tested all the products on your site.
[37:55] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, it's so funny. So I. I've got, like,
[37:59] I think I bought 40 different fans just to give you an idea and everything. So, like, I can tell you that the fan on our site is the. The one that I know doesn't overheat, it is comfortable, it doesn't run out of batteries, your hair doesn't get caught in it.
[38:15] So, like, eliminated so many just to find, like, that one, like, this is personal kind of thing. Um, and it's like that with almost everything there. And the one thing that I've kind of stayed away from on the site so far is these like one size fits all supplements.
[38:29] Like here's your menopause pill.
[38:31] Because I'm like, I just don't believe that there is like a one size fits all solution for, for women. So. Yeah, and that's, that's the one part that I haven't, I will at some point have, you know, magnesium or omega 3s, vitamin D, like, you know, the, the good things.
[38:45] Right. But just like the components versus like, you know, this, this magic wonder pill that doesn't exist.
[38:51] Tara Bansal: Who do you follow or like what kind of research have you done to learn about perimenopause?
[38:59] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, one of, I think it's, for me it's kind of like the Bible. But there's this book called the new menopause by Dr. Haver.
[39:05] I loved Tamsin Fadal's documentary called the M Factor. It's available on PBS for free.
[39:13] I think there's screenings all over the country now. And she's the one that's writing that book called the New Menopause.
[39:19] And ye just a lot of other like websites, blogs, I, I spend quite a bit of time on menopause.org I think that's probably like the, the best resource especially for finding a certified practitioner.
[39:32] Tara Bansal: What advice do you have on talking with your, your husband about andropause?
[39:41] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I think, you know, like always speaking from imessages is important.
[39:46] I've learned, you know, that criticism. We did this thing called the Gottman Institute and it's, it's fantastic and I recommend it for any couple, but very much about the four horsemen of the apocalypse are like, what leads to problems.
[39:59] And criticism is like the first one, right? So when you're, when you start out any conversation with like you're blah, blah, blah, it's just leading to trouble, right? So very much like coming from a place of love and understanding and like almost like what do you, what do you want to get out of this conversation,
[40:15] right? Like, what's the goal? Do you want understanding? Do you want sympathy? Do you want change? And so framing your conversation for, for success and just saying like, hey, you know, I've been noticing these things happening in my body.
[40:28] I've been reading a lot about it and I came across, you know, this book or this chapter, this website, this doctor, you know, fill in the blank around Andropause and it was really curious to me.
[40:38] Is this something that you'd heard about, you know, Is this something that you're curious about? You know, I heard that you can take hormone tests to see, like, where you are.
[40:45] Is this something you might be interested in doing together and just making it more of a conversation? Right. Like, this is the person you've chosen for the ride. And so, you know, how can we help each other and, and make sure that.
[40:57] That we're both getting the support that we need for a long and happy life.
[41:02] Tara Bansal: Do you feel like men talk about it as much as women do?
[41:06] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: No, I think there's definitely, like more talk about it now around longevity and anti aging. So thankfully, it's a little bit more in the zeitgeist.
[41:16] And then it used to be maybe, you know, men maybe in the past suffered silently or didn't really understand what was happening. You know, I remember there was that time in my life growing up where my dad had, you know, what, what people call the midlife crisis.
[41:29] Right. Like all these changes.
[41:31] But I think it's. It's a little bit different. As women, we're kind of used to our hormones fluctuating our whole lives. Right. And for men, this is kind of the first time that it's, it's happening.
[41:42] So it kind of hits a little bit more shockingly. And so I think it's.
[41:47] Excuse me. Definitely something that, that, you know, we can look at with more compassion and sympathy from, from somebody experiencing it for the first time.
[41:57] Christina Donovan: Yeah, I mean, we were talking about how perimenopause, like that word is kind of become more common. And I mean, I bet a lot of people have never even heard of andropause is my guess.
[42:12] I mean, do they generally. I don't know if you. This is just curiosity. Like,
[42:17] is the time frame similar for men and women or do men tend to enter that later in?
[42:25] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I don't know. I'm curious. It would be fun to find the stats for women. You know, the average age for menopause is 51.
[42:33] The timeline for perimenopause could be average seven years, but, you know, anywhere from three to 10. For some women, it happens a lot faster if they're going through any kind of, you know, cancer treatments or other issues.
[42:47] And so, you know, some women also don't get their periods for various reasons, so they don't know if they've had that. That day of not having their periods for 12 months.
[42:56] And so I think, yeah, for men, I'd imagine it's about the same. But from what I have read, it's about like a, a slower decline. So it doesn't happen as drastically.
[43:05] Tara Bansal: Perimenopause can last for up to 10 years. Right. Like, what. What's the stat on that?
[43:11] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, anywhere from three to 10 years is, you know, the. On. On average. And you know, again, it's like, women are so different. Right. So your journey might be different from my journey.
[43:21] And so someone might have a very short experience with very few symptoms. Someone else might have a very long one with, you know, all as many as. As, you know, as someone can hopefully handle.
[43:32] But it's just. Yeah, it's. It's not a one size fits all.
[43:37] Tara Bansal: And I think just hearing that can be so depressing of like, I have to deal with this possibly for a decade.
[43:46] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, yeah.
[43:48] Tara Bansal: And not knowing is also like in a workout, if you know you only have how many left, it makes it easier to get through but not know.
[43:56] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: And I have read that, you know, taking hormones earlier is better than later. Right. So if you, if you are gonna go on that journey, you know, don't, don't wait.
[44:04] But that also, you know, that's also gonna be a little bit of a trial and error approach as well. If, like trying different, you know,
[44:12] levels of estrogen and progesterone or maybe it's the modality. It might be like a patch or a gel or a pill, you know, who knows? So you have to try different, different ones out to make sure that you're getting what you need.
[44:25] Tara Bansal: Mm. Are you willing to share, like, when or if what it would take for you to try the hormone replacement therapy that may be too personal?
[44:36] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, for sure. And no, not at all. This is something that I talked about with my doctor, and I think for. For me, like, right now, my symptoms aren't impacting my day to day that drastically right now.
[44:46] Like, they're more of a nuisance,
[44:48] if you will, than something that I feel like is. Is, you know, keeping me from living a certain way or a certain lifestyle or anything like that.
[44:57] You know, I do,
[44:59] I do feel like I've gotten things under control. And, you know, a big part of that has definitely been, you know, a little bit of diet, little exercise changes and like, lifestyle changes.
[45:11] Right. Like things that I've done in my home and in my body to be able to kind of control or not control, but let's say minimize some of these. The impact of the symptoms.
[45:22] And I think when they get to the point where what I'm doing isn't working is probably the time to start having that conversation with my doctors.
[45:29] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[45:30] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Okay.
[45:30] Tara Bansal: That's very helpful. Of, like, how much it's impacting you and living your life.
[45:36] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah.
[45:37] Tara Bansal: Is what. Okay, thank you. I'm kind of switching gears here. But, like, what. What would you do if you had.
[45:45] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: More time in life?
[45:48] Oh, well, you know, I had this hobby that was really fun that I picked up post divorce as well,
[45:55] and I became a pilot. I started flying Cessnas, and it was just such a beautiful experience. So free and liberating.
[46:04] And I think the day that I did my first solo was one of the happiest moments of my life, of just like, this freedom of being in the sky. And, you know, through the years, you know, it's an expensive hobby, so it's not something I get to do very often.
[46:18] But during COVID I kind of gave it up because the instructors stopped teaching. It was, you know, being in a very small cockpit with your instructor. And at the time, I was getting my instrument rating.
[46:30] So that's something that you can learn to fly without, you know, looking out. So you rely on the instruments only. And I was, I think, maybe 30 or 40 hours in when, you know, we hit, like, Covid.
[46:42] And so I had to stop. And I haven't flown since then. And it kills me because it's on my vision board every year.
[46:49] Like, this is the year I'm gonna go back, and I haven't yet. So hopefully this is. This is the year.
[46:55] Tara Bansal: Oh, that's so exciting and a very interesting hobby.
[46:59] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, I think that's another one that I realized I was kind of doing some. I'm part of this group called the 99s,
[47:05] a group of female aviators. And the stat is that of all the licensed pilots in the United States, only 7% are women. So it's a very small, small group of.
[47:17] Of women that do this.
[47:19] Hopefully that will change.
[47:21] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[47:21] Tara Bansal: What do you think attracts you to all these boys clubs?
[47:25] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: It's so weird. I don't know. I've, like, thought about it, like, how do I end up in these places? But yeah, it's like between, like, whiskey and aviation. But now menopause is all women, so I'm gonna get all.
[47:38] I'm like, swung the other way. But yeah, I don't know, maybe it was just a little bit more like, adventurous spirit that. That I had when I was younger.
[47:47] Tara Bansal: And not let go after what you want. It sounds like you.
[47:50] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, Yeah. I mean, it was like, you know, less. I. When you don't know how difficult something's going to be is. Is a good thing. Right. Like, if I had known how hard it was to start my business.
[48:01] I don't know that I would have done it, but here I am again. So I think it's just a little bit.
[48:06] It's wild because doing it this time around, I didn't. My old business was very much about liquid. Right. So it was like going to grocery stores, doing demos, giving samples to people.
[48:17] It was a lot of, like, warehouses and trucks and boxes involved. And then now I'm very much in a digital space. And, you know, someone who's in my late 40s, I'm not somebody who's on social media.
[48:28] Like, I don't like. It's not. It's not comfortable for me. Right. So this is like, a new level of putting myself out there, but also talking about my, like, something that's personal.
[48:36] Right. Like, about my health and changes going on in. In my life and my body. Um, but I hope that it's in service of. Of helping women and that I'm also learning quite a bit along the way.
[48:48] So it's. It's nice to kind of, you know, feel like as old as I. As I am now in midlife, so that there's still so much that I can learn about, you know, technology,
[48:58] you know, e commerce, AI,
[49:01] podcasts. Like, you know, there's so much out there for me to. To explore with this new business, too, that has nothing to do with the business itself.
[49:10] Tara Bansal: Yeah. And I assume you started ballroom dancing just because you wanted to. It was something you were interested in.
[49:17] Christina Donovan: Do you do that with your husband?
[49:18] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: No. So it's so funny. I. I grew up, and my mom was so sweet. She would put us in, like, all the classes. So I did ballet and jazz and tap, and as a kid, I did salsa.
[49:28] And I loved dancing salsa. I think as a Cuban, it's just kind of in my blood. And, you know, as. As time went on, it was just something that just kind of got parked on the side.
[49:37] And,
[49:38] you know, I always did, like, classes at the gym. Like, Zumba was really fun. Like, there was definitely some moments where it would try to, like, kind of come back, but not in full force.
[49:47] And when my husband and I started dating, I was like, oh, let's take a dance class together. And he was not into it at all. So, yeah, I even went so far to hire really attractive private instructor.
[50:00] Like, maybe that will get him motivated. And that didn't work either. So I just kind of let it go. And then last year, my girlfriend and I were at a party, and she's like, oh, we're leaving early because I have a dance class in the morning.
[50:12] It's like, oh, I didn't know you. And, and your husband did classes together. And she said, no, I just do it by myself. And I said, you could do that?
[50:20] She said, yeah, I've got my, my own instructor and I go once a week and it's like the best hour of my week. And I thought, okay, well, I'll try it.
[50:28] And so I did, and I was hooked. And so I, I needed, you know, I think at the, at the school, they definitely encourage you to have a goal. And they're like, oh, do you want to try a, a dance competition?
[50:38] And I thought, oh my God, like at my age, like, okay, sure, why not? And so it's just really funny to like put myself out there, but have a goal to kind of try.
[50:48] And I got a couple first places, which was really cool. Um, and so this year I added a couple of new dances to it as well. So it's, it's been really sweet to have something that's just mine.
[51:00] You know, as a, as a mom of three kids, as a wife, as an entrepreneur, you know, I don't have any moments in the day that are just mine. And that's, that's my time.
[51:10] Tara Bansal: I love that you do that. And even when you were describing it, a lot of times they talk about like, tennis is what one of the good sports as you age because of hand, eye coordination, using your brain of like, even strategy and the physical activity and ballroom dancing, I feel like hits all of those too.
[51:33] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, yeah, it's, you know, it's nice to be like in your body, something that's not overly strenuous. And it's funny. Tennis is one that I've been wanting to pick up with my husband.
[51:42] I'm like, maybe he'll do that instead of dancing. I always say that, like when we're having a conversation sometimes and it feels like one sided where I'm like, hey, I need some like, I'm like, hey, can we play tennis in this conversation?
[51:54] He's like, oh, okay.
[51:56] Like, I'll say something and you say something.
[51:59] Yeah.
[52:00] Tara Bansal: Then he gets it.
[52:02] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Are you both tennis players?
[52:05] Tara Bansal: My husband's a tennis player and I think I tried taking lessons and then I just stopped because I wasn't enjoying it. I think part of what I feel like this podcast is about is trying new things and finding things that interest you and, and that you're never too old to try new things and find those.
[52:30] But also listening to yourself, if it's not fun, I Found myself like dreading my tennis lessons. So it was like, okay, that's not the right thing for me.
[52:41] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: No, that's important to know. Like you're, if you're not finding joy in it, then stop.
[52:47] Tara Bansal: Yeah, yeah.
[52:47] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: We only get this one life. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.
[52:53] Christina Donovan: I have to say,
[52:55] I love your necklace and I know that's. I saw them for sale on your website and it's funny, when I saw them, it didn't occur to me to wear them as a necklace.
[53:06] Tara Bansal: And I.
[53:07] Christina Donovan: Maybe in the description it said that I was just kind of looking at different things. But it's really beautiful. It's quite stunning.
[53:13] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you so much. It's actually like a. You can do the bracelet bracelets,
[53:18] but it's from a wonderful company called Hot Girls Pearls. And they're fantastic. They're freezable jewelry. Yeah. So as stylish as they are, they're really functional and, you know, provide quite a bit of cooling at your pulse points.
[53:32] You know, you could be outside gardening or playing tennis or, you know, golfing.
[53:36] Christina Donovan: Yeah, yeah.
[53:38] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: And then, you know, I, I like just, you know, having them on during the day too, because it's definitely like I can't control when I'm going to get that, that heat spike.
[53:46] So it kind of helps equalize those moments.
[53:49] Tara Bansal: And it's beautiful.
[53:50] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you.
[53:51] Christina Donovan: No, it's quite, quite stunning.
[53:54] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Well, for your listeners, they can get one too. And we also, we're offering a 10% discount code. If they use the code Messy for, for 10% off the site. And I'm sure it'll all be in the show notes for.
[54:06] With links. Yeah.
[54:08] Tara Bansal: We're almost at the end of our time.
[54:13] I know. I feel like we have a million more questions I'd love to ask you.
[54:19] I guess one is just what advice do you have for navigating midlife? Like, what lessons have you learned? Or I know you're still in it and you're still like.
[54:31] Christina Donovan: I mean, yeah, on the younger side.
[54:32] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Of it, but yeah, I'd say that the biggest one. And it's such a cliche, but it's really true. It's just self care. We, we, we do so much as, as women.
[54:42] Right. We're always taking care of someone. Right. Our parents, our kids, our friends, our siblings. And so we always kind of put ourselves last on that list. So just finding those moments, if it's, you know, taking a tennis class or dancing or, you know, for me, sometimes it's just going to the movies by myself,
[55:00] like having a couple hours where Nobody's asking me for my popcorn,
[55:05] but just like whatever that is, that that lights you up and gives you a little moment to kind of take back for yourself is just really important and to prioritize yourself.
[55:14] Tara Bansal: What question do you wish we had asked?
[55:17] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, wow.
[55:18] I mean, I think you guys crushed it. I don't know that anything's missing. Um, yeah, I think maybe, you know, some of your own journeys around perimenopause or menopause would be wonderful to hear.
[55:32] Tara Bansal: Yeah, I mean, I'll, I'll share some of mine was like my period just got so heavy and I called it like to my husband I would be like, I was gushing and hearing you talk about the workplace, I mean, I had to switch to a vaginal cup because nothing else would even handle.
[55:57] And even that I would go through the large vaginal cup in an hour or less. And I felt like I couldn't really comfortably leave the home because I would, I would do that and a pad just like never knowing.
[56:12] And my doctor gave me a drug to help decrease the bleeding and I only needed it like for a day or two.
[56:23] But I also felt like my doctor, who I love, like I love my obgyn, she didn't say this is early signs or mention anything like that. And to me, like, in hindsight I wish she had.
[56:40] I know a lot of my friends who we've post babies are now switching to just gynecologists and that no longer do deliver babies because the baby delivery is a huge part of their day and a huge responsibility that they have.
[56:58] I do think finding a doctor that specializes in women going through perimenopause and postmenopause can be helpful.
[57:09] So. And like I said, my,
[57:13] my sleep is a huge issue. I felt like hot flashes. So I am on hormone replacement therapy and one of my stories is for a while during perimenopause I was taking low, low estrin because my doctor wanted a lower dose and it is not covered by insurance.
[57:34] It was like $267 for a month and my doctor gave me a coupon so it would be like 35.
[57:44] Even that. Like thankfully I'm privileged enough that I was willing to pay that, but not everybody can. And it was a hassle. Like because it wasn't covered by insurance. I had to have the pharmacy take off the insurance in order to run the coupon.
[58:00] I can't tell you every single month. It was like a half hour thing of trying to get this one prescription. And I always think if this were a Man, this would probably be covered, Right.
[58:16] And it's hard to say that, but I do think it. And now I'm on a patch and I take a progesterone at night, so I've just recently switched to that a couple of months ago, and I feel like it's been pretty good.
[58:36] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: That's great. Yeah. Thank you for sharing.
[58:38] Tara Bansal: Still isn't where I want it to be.
[58:40] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah.
[58:42] The periods.
[58:43] Yeah. And monsoons, I was calling them my periods with, like, a tampon every hour. Like, what's going on here?
[58:50] Like, this is not normal. But, yeah, they think that definitely balances out with. With hormones and with time, I hope.
[58:58] Tara Bansal: And I know in my book club we talk a lot, and I'm like five to 10 years older than most of the women in my book club because there are friends of my kids.
[59:12] But I love that we are talking about it. And you'll be a great resource for.
[59:17] Christina Donovan: Them if that age difference, you know, it's. It does help to have someone that you're close with that's older. You know, I think that you'll be a good resource.
[59:29] Tara Bansal: I try, but it is just. I just love the fact that people are willing to talk about it.
[59:34] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: It's so important. Yeah. Just having the conversation.
[59:37] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[59:39] Christina Donovan: And it's funny. I mean, I'm not gonna spend too much time on mine, but, you know, Tara and I, we're two years apart,
[59:45] same parents,
[59:47] but we have completely different experience. Perimenopause and menopause paths. I mean,
[59:53] mine has been, as you say, full of nuisance. But nothing that I feel really interrupts my life. And I've not taken any type of hormone therapy and. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
[01:00:07] Definitely just very different from Tara. But it just goes to show you how everyone's is so unique.
[01:00:14] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah. Even biological siblings. Right? To even have, like, differences there. Yeah, exactly.
[01:00:20] Christina Donovan: But I do want to say I loved how on your website, you take a quiz where, you know, you highlight. You give your age and you highlight your symptoms, and then it.
[01:00:31] It gives you suggested products. I think that's really smart.
[01:00:34] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, thank you.
[01:00:35] Tara Bansal: It is helpful.
[01:00:36] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: It's super simple, too. Yeah. And I don't collect the email addresses. It's like, it's always so annoying when you invest, like, five minutes and you put, like, all the things and then they're like, no, let's get your email.
[01:00:45] It's like, no, so I don't have that at all. It's just literally like, here you go, trying to help. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
[01:00:51] Christina Donovan: I was super impressed with the products on your website.
[01:00:55] Particularly for me.
[01:00:58] Night sweats are an issue and I don't know, I'm excited to maybe try some of the fabrics.
[01:01:03] There was one nightgown in particular that I pretty sure I'm going to purchase.
[01:01:09] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you.
[01:01:09] Tara Bansal: Or you can ask for for your birthday.
[01:01:13] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah, those are from a wonderful company called Lusame. Also FEMA business. And yeah, just the technology is called Zero Tech. So they basically has like a moisture wick technology to kind of help balance the hot and cold.
[01:01:27] Yeah, fantastic. And if it's the sheets are too much, even just the pillowcases are a great way to start too.
[01:01:33] Christina Donovan: Oh, that's a nice tip. Yeah, that's actually a really good suggestion.
[01:01:38] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: And then there's also just a wealth of resources and information in terms of the learning section. There's articles about hrt, perimenopause symptoms, bone loss, diet, just, you know, quite a. Quite a bit and with more added every day.
[01:01:53] So definitely something to check out, which is super helpful.
[01:01:56] Tara Bansal: I feel like I, I can't go on social media without seeing, I don't know, miracle cures that they present. And you kind of know it's too good to be true, but you want it to be true.
[01:02:09] So getting real information and having. Knowing where you can go for that, I think I, I love that you're doing that and sharing that knowledge.
[01:02:19] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you so much.
[01:02:20] Tara Bansal: And I loved the cards on your website, but that's like. I'm definitely getting those. They made me laugh. Yeah, they're really.
[01:02:29] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Yeah. There's one is like menopause. Wtf? There's like another one like, is it perimenopause? It's like puberty and they're just really fun and playful. Yeah, I think that's, that's, I think the only part that really like has a little bit of levity to it,
[01:02:44] you know,
[01:02:46] but.
[01:02:47] Tara Bansal: Well, thank you for taking this time.
[01:02:49] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Oh, it was such a joy.
[01:02:51] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[01:02:52] Tara Bansal: We may have you back if you would, because I feel like there's so much more we could still talk about and that you could share with us. But thank you.
[01:03:01] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: Thank you so much for having me and for giving a voice to this topic that's so important. I really appreciate it.
[01:03:07] Christina Donovan: Thank you. And we'll be sure to put in the show notes, the links and the information on your website and. Yeah, and the 10% discount code with messy. With messy.
[01:03:21] Very exciting.
[01:03:22] Carin Luna-Ostaseski: I love it. Well, thank you both so much.
[01:03:24] Tara Bansal: Thank you. Today's recommendation is to check out Carin's website Hot or just me. There is a Learn tab which she has so many different articles there.
[01:03:40] Very informative. The articles can teach you and then in the shop there are different products related to many of the common challenges of perimenopause and menopause. Hot flashes and night sweats, Irregular and heavy periods Mood changes and irritability Changes in libido,
[01:04:03] insomnia and fatigue Hair and skin changes anxiety,
[01:04:07] brain fog. There just is so much there to check out. She has done an incredible job and knows her stuff.
[01:04:16] There is also a fun quiz. I think it's only like four or five questions. She doesn't even ask as we said for an email address and then it makes some recommendations for you.
[01:04:28] But we hope you'll just take a few minutes and go check out her website. If you use the discount code Messy M E S S Y you can also save 10% so keep that in mind.
[01:04:42] But just check it out even to learn something about this critical time of our lives.
[01:04:47] Christina Donovan: Thank you for show notes and other information about our podcast. Please Visit our website messymiddlescence.com if you enjoyed listening, please help spread the word about our podcast by sending a link to a family member or friend.
[01:05:04] And don't forget to leave a positive rating or review for us. As always, we hope you will return for more.
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Our recommendation this week is to check out Carin Luna-Ostaseski’s website, Hot or Just Me? for the resourceful information and great products.
If you use the discount code “MESSY” you will get 10% off any products you buy from the website.
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Carin Luna-Ostaseski is on a mission to transform how women experience perimenopause and menopause with her latest venture, Hot or Just Me?, an online shop dedicated to providing trusted products, expert advice, and unwavering support for women navigating this often-overlooked stage of life. Inspired by her own journey through the challenges of perimenopause including hot flashes, brain fog, anxiety—and countless conversations with other women, Carin realized that the resources available were fragmented and limited decided it was time to create a platform that would not only curate high-quality, vetted products but also foster a community where women could share their experiences and feel understood. Carin created Hot or Just Me? to offer a comprehensive solution that empowers women with the knowledge, tools, and community they need to embrace this life transition with confidence and grace.
Hot Or Just Me? offers products and services to help women through Hot Flashes + Night Sweats, Irregular + Heavy Periods, Brain Fog, Mood Changes + Irritability, Vaginal Dryness + Low Libido, Urinary Incontinence, Insomnia + Fatigue, Hair + Skin Changes. Through a personalized quiz, users are matched with solutions that fit their unique needs and budgets, helping them manage the complexities of perimenopause and menopause with ease and confidence.
Before launching Hot or Just Me?, Carin made history as the first Hispanic American woman to create a Scotch whisky brand. Her journey with SIA Scotch, from a record-breaking Kickstarter campaign to an award-winning brand, was fueled by her passion for creating something new and meaningful. She founded SIA Scotch Whisky in 2013 after leaving a successful 17-year career as a Marketing Creative Director for major media brands such as ABC News and Thompson Reuters. Carin’s modern take on Scotch disrupted the traditional whisky market, earning her numerous accolades, including a 96-point rating from the Ultimate Spirits Challenge.
Her entrepreneurial spirit extends beyond whisky. In 2021, Carin founded the Entrepreneurial Spirit Fund by SIA Scotch, providing over $350,000 in grants to women and underserved entrepreneurs in the food, beverage, and hospitality industries. Through this initiative, Carin continues to champion the next generation of entrepreneurs, reflecting her ongoing commitment to empowerment.
Now, Carin is channeling her expertise in building successful brands into Hot or Just Me?, leveraging her personal experiences and passion for helping women thrive. Through her new platform, Carin is dedicated to making women’s health a priority and ensuring that no woman has to navigate perimenopause or menopause alone.
Carin was recently Featured in TIME: https://time.com/7019600/perimenopause-signs-symptoms/And her entrepreneurial journey has been featured in Fast Company, Entrepreneur, NPR, Rolling Stone, People en Español and more.