20. Al Conti - His Retirement Story
“For me, I feel like you’re such a great role model for living a life of integrity and kindness and love.”
If you are a regular Messy Middlescence listener – you have by now met many members of the extended Conti family. In this episode you will meet Tina and Tara’s father, Al Conti.
Al went through middlescence some time ago (he is 81) but Tara and Tina found they often referred to their father as they discussed retirement – particularly in the previous Timeless Happiness episodes. They realized that their parents exemplify many of the lessons Tara shares and discusses in her Timeless Happiness classes.
By focusing on Al’s retirement story (their mother declined to be interviewed), many of the challenges and joys of retirement that have been theoretically discussed in the Timeless Happiness episodes are brought to life.
Al shares his wisdom and experiences to detail a retirement journey that, while still ongoing, has successfully moved through the different phases of retirement and overcome many of the typical issues. Through careful planning AND being open to some unexpected occurrences, Al and Tori created a retirement that fulfilled some of their lifelong dreams, reflects their values, and makes them happy.
Tina and Tara discuss with Al:
His initial vision of retirement and how this changed;
His and Tori’s dream of building/designing their own home;
The importance of easing into a new home and community;
The difficulties of downsizing;
His decision to go back to work as a consultant 18 months after retiring;
The importance of hobbies and staying busy;
The motivation and planning behind their move into a Continuing Care Community;
His words of wisdom including to be patient, accept that change (despite meticulous planning) is inevitable, and why he does not worry.
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[00:22] Christina Donovan: Do you feel the need for change in your life, but are not sure why or when or how? Do you feel a pressure of running out of time? Do you spend most of your time doing things that are not important to you anymore? These are all symptoms or characteristics of middle essence. And this is our podcast, Messy Middlescence.
[00:45] Tara Bansal: Welcome. This is Tara Conti Bansal. I'm here with Christina Conti Donovan, and we are super duper excited to have our guest today. This is Al Conti, our father. And well, of course we think the world of him, and we're just pleased and excited that he's willing to talk with us. I feel like we could ask him a million different questions and he could provide lots and lots of different wisdom, but we're going to use the lens today, focused more on his retirement and midlife. And so with that, we will just jump in. Dad, what would you like people to know about you? Brene Brown always starts her podcast with tell us your story.
[01:45] Al Conti: My story is one of simplicity. I grew up in Rhode island. There aren't too many Rhode Islanders around. I have a sister and graduated high school in a single high school town. So everybody in town went to the high school, everybody knew everybody, and then from there graduated to college up in north Andover, Massachusetts, where I met my wife. And from there I was going to go join the navy because at that time, Vietnam was in the middle of the war going, and I just thought it was time to do my service. But then, as all things happen in life, things do change. And I think that's one of the words I could use to describe my life. It's been a group of changes, hopefully all for the better. And we can talk about all the changes that took place over my careers and my families. But I then did not join the Navy. My goal was to be a pilot, and I still have that goal, but that never took place. I ended up becoming an accountant, which I got my degree in work for Price Waterhouse, which is now called, I guess it's called PW Coopers or something else. But in any event, ended up being on the audit staff, did that for about eight and a half years, got transferred to the New York office, and from there I just ended up working, left Price Waterhouse, went to a law firm, and my career was managing lawyers and law firms, and ended up visiting and working at many different law firms, about four or five law firms throughout my career before I retired. And so in between all of that, I was very, very fortunate, along with my wife, to have seven children. And we now have 16 grandchildren. So it's all part of the life and all part of change.
[04:06] Tara Bansal: How. How did you choose accounting in college? Was that a hard decision or no.
[04:16] Al Conti: From. I thought I wanted to be a mechanical engineer. I looked at MIT, and one of my reports that I did in high school, maybe my freshman year, was about being a mechanical engineer. But then my mother was a bookkeeper, and she was involved with accounting association in town, and I, through that, I became interested in accounting. I was always sort of good in math and just thought that the two go hand in hand. And, you know, I took to it very quickly in college. It was not a hard course, or all the courses were not hard for me in college at all. They sort of just fit right in and, you know, so I followed through on that accounting degree. You know, it's part of my. I guess my mantra where I'm very organized, at least I think I am. And accounting is very organized, and it's black and white. There's no two ways about it. You know, it's either right or it's not right.
[05:25] Tara Bansal: So I'm not sure it's not. Accounting is not as black and white as I had expected in my work. But you're very detail oriented. Yeah, dad, you're super detail oriented. I'll never forget when we did the Myers Briggs and you, like, talked about. I mean, you go, and I've seen your spreadsheets, like, you get into the details and love having the whole picture down to the very minute details. And you enjoy that, I think, much more than I do or most people, and that's a strength that applies to those numbers and what you were doing.
[06:07] Al Conti: I am very detail oriented, but at the same time, you got to be able to see the big picture. In order to see the big picture, you need to understand, and that's where the math comes to. Me. Being a math major, I was not. But you got to be able, I think, of algebra and calculus, and what do you do? You break it down. You got this huge formula you're working, and what do you do? You slice it down. And that's what accounting is, basically. And with the detail, you can slice it all down and just look at the big picture.
[06:43] Tara Bansal: Yeah. What did you love to do when you were growing up?
[06:50] Al Conti: When I was a youngster?
[06:52] Tara Bansal: Yeah. Like, before high school, even. Yeah. Before high school, I would say, oh.
[06:59] Al Conti: What do I love to do? I love to play sports. We played all the sports. You know, whatever the season was, we were playing it, whether it was street hockey or whether it was ice hockey on the pond or football or baseball. You know, we would pack a lunch and take a water cooler and go play baseball all day long in the field just by ourselves. We ride our bikes over there, ride our bikes all over town. And, you know, I used to ride out to see my dad, which he worked, I guess, was about three and a half, 4 miles from my house. I just get on my bike and ride out and walk in the store and say hi, you know, a little bit my aunt, the same way I just get on the bicycle and ride. But there was a group of us, I don't know, probably eight to ten of us, and we would go and challenge other neighborhoods in baseball and softball. Not softball, but baseball and football. Same way. So in other schools, it was broken down by grammar schools, but then junior high schools. There were four junior high schools in town, and we would play the other junior high schools. This was unorganized. It would just be a bunch of us going to a field to play these other. You know, I guess in those days we could do that.
[08:18] Tara Bansal: And that was even pre cell phones. Yeah, that you just would show up and see who was there.
[08:24] Al Conti: Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right.
[08:27] Christina Donovan: Well, one of the reasons we wanted to talk to you today is the past three or four episodes, we've been concentrating on retirement. Terry's been working on her teaching, going through her timeless happiness class. And you come up a lot. You and mom come up a lot. As someone who has had a very successful, almost textbook retirement, in terms of the way you've sort of structured it and then the way you guys have sort of lived it. I mean, can you tell us a little bit about your retirement story? Like, how did you prepare financially and even emotionally and time wise? I mean, you're very detail oriented. We've already talked about that, but, I don't know, maybe spend a few minutes talking about how you did your planning and how you approached it, and even.
[09:21] Tara Bansal: What you imagined retirement was going to be like when you were younger.
[09:27] Al Conti: Those are two different things.
[09:29] Tara Bansal: I know. So I guess what I'm trying to.
[09:32] Christina Donovan: Say is, start with what you imagined.
[09:35] Tara Bansal: And then what happened.
[09:38] Al Conti: Okay. What I imagine retirement would be is that we would have a second home someplace up in New England and probably have a small home or even a condo or an apartment nearby. And, you know, we would be up there more often than whenever we wanted, especially during the summer. And at the same time, we would do a lot of traveling. I love to travel. I love to see different places, you know, during my work career, professional career. I did a lot of traveling, even though most of it was domestic, but there was some international travel that I enjoyed going to those places. And so. But that was what I imagined my retirement would be like. And, of course, that's not what happened. There's another change that took place. I guess it was. It was after all of the children had gone to college and graduated college. It was probably Tom's. Between Tom's junior and senior year that mom and I sort of sat down and said, okay, now that everybody's out of school, what do we want to do? What about retirement? We should think about planning for that. And we started to plan for that, and we were very lucky. And it was a happenstance. It was something mailed to us to, you know, go visit this property that was being developed in North Carolina, south of Asheville, a place called Hendersonville. And one of our dreams, having moved and lived in about six homes, six or seven different homes, I guess, was that we wanted to build our own home because we had to move. When we had to move from one location to another, you had to buy a home right away. And so this time, we were able to consider building our own home. And so we. We went and visited, and we thought it was a lovely setting. And we put a deposit on the lot right then and there that day and proceeded to start to design a home that we would like to have. And we were fortunate in being able to build a home and live in it for 16 years. 17, I guess, was 17 years that we lived in the home. And at that point, after 17 years of. In that home, the property was. Was getting to be a little bit too much. I mean, it was woods, and I would chop down trees. I would soar the trees down and then split the wood for our fireplaces and plan a lot of flowers. And it was getting to be chore, and we had to stop and think about what our next step in life would be. And mom and I decided that it was then time for us to take the next step, which was to move to something smaller. The objective of that move was that we did not want to burden any of our children without continuing care and healthcare. We hear so many stories of people that are in their forties and fifties, late forties, early fifties, that are now taking care of their parents because of illnesses or health situations. And we did not want to burden our children with that. And so we decided we would move to a continuing care community. And we found one. And very fortunate where we are, we have our own little cottage, independent living, all the space that we need, perfectly outfitted, and they take care of us, from cutting the grass to taking care of the snow removal to going to the podiatrist they provide or whatever it's done. So we are fortunate where we are. So that was the planning stages of how it got.
[14:01] Tara Bansal: And I want to jump in part. There was an in between phase, a transition of when you still had Alita and you guys got an apartment, one in Hillsboro and then one in Doylestown, that was like kind of an intermediary where you still had the house down in Alita and got to spend some time up here. How did you decide on that?
[14:35] Al Conti: We decided on that because we were visiting the two of you. I mean, one in east and Pennsylvania, one in Princeton in Jersey, even though we had two children in Georgia and we had this, a son in Wisconsin and two children in Oregon. So you were pretty much the closest, so to speak, that we could get to. Even though Georgia was about the same overall, when we came up, we decided that it was time, rather than splitting time with each one, it was difficult. You know, we'd spend two or three days with one and then we'd pack up and move to the other. And we decided that that wasn't fair to all of us, you included. So we decided that it was time. Why don't we think about an apartment? And this would begin the transition of Oleda moving out of Oleda, moving out of the mountains and looking for a place. And while that all was going on, I was doing research on the continuing care communities, both in North Carolina and in this area in northeast Pennsylvania. So, and New Jersey, for that matter. There were several that we looked at, that I looked at online. And that was all part of the process. That's correct. And part of the transition was to have the apartments, but it was also we could visit or take care of the grandchildren, but at the same time, when we wanted to leave, we went home to our own home. We weren't in your home bothering you or not that it was a part.
[16:22] Tara Bansal: But you have your own space.
[16:25] Al Conti: Yeah, we had our own space and we did our own thing, you know, so that was it.
[16:30] Christina Donovan: And it also got you used to living in a gradually in a smaller space. I mean, you know, you would be in your apartment, but you still could go back to your larger home in Alita. And that was kind of, it wasn't, wasn't. All of a sudden you were in, you know, a smaller space. It was sort of a gradual back and forth.
[16:51] Al Conti: Absolutely. That does make a difference, because we were able to see what it'd be like to figure out what we had to get rid of. And thanks to Tori, she had it all figured out before I even knew what was going to happen as to what we were keeping and what we were getting rid of.
[17:11] Tara Bansal: Was that hard?
[17:13] Al Conti: Yes, it was hard. Hard from the point of she and I disagreed about what we should keep. I was going to keep a lot more stuff, and now I'm not. Do I miss some of it? Yes. But do I need it? No. So I have everything that I need, basically. So.
[17:38] Tara Bansal: What changed or what happened from the vision of a place up in New England and another, smaller place to. Was it just that flyer, like, what changed your retirement vision?
[17:57] Al Conti: Well, the vision was something from way, way back when. All right. That mom and I talked about. And then the flyer did change it. Okay. Because we were looking at moving out of. We were living in Atlanta at that time, moving out of Atlanta. But then there happened to be, again, another change took place while we were starting to build a home in North Carolina, a, quote, retirement home, which is what it was for 17 years. A job offer came from a law firm in Wilmington, Delaware. And as part of my career, when I was assigned to the Philadelphia office, I audited that law firm. And it just was happenstance. I mean, it basically was going all the way around circle again because I audited Morris Nichols. I prepared the financial statements for them, and now they wanted me to come back and be their first full time chief operating officer. And so that was not in the works. I was not planning to do that. If anything, I probably would have retired the following year in Atlanta. But that just gave an opportunity to, in retrospect, financially and everything, that was probably a very, very good move for me to do that. So it worked out for the best. And we had an apartment there first. So in a way, that was the beginning of downsizing. We had a nice two bedroom apartment there in Chadsford, and it was eight minutes, ten minutes to work, which was delightful. So, you know, it was a lot better than 45 minutes, 50 minutes to Atlanta, providing there was no traffic, you know.
[19:59] Tara Bansal: And then after working there, what did you do?
[20:04] Al Conti: We retired there. I retired. I moved to Alita full time. And there was a colleague of mine in Atlanta that I was very close to. And we. And he lived in Asheville, and he moved to Asheville because of our property in Hendersonville. I told him about it. I showed him our floor plans, and he ended up building a house north of Asheville a few years after we did. But then we reconnected and we would have lunch, and we set up a consulting business. And that sort of transitioned, which was, again, a change, transitioning from day to day work in the law firm environment to becoming a consultant to law firms. And the expertise that we had, we were able to, you know, go in quickly, pinpoint financial issues and put them on the right track, pinpoint organizational issues that would help them identify bad lawyers, good lawyers, whatever, just based on our experience. And even partner compensation plans we worked on, too. So just because of our experience and gave them a fresh look. And we worked on three law firms, and then we got to a law firm in Asheville where their executive director had left. And they were really. They didn't know what they were going to do. So they hired us to become basically part time intern for them. And we ended up doing about a year and a half of work with them, too, again. And it was the accomplishments that we were able to force through the plans that we were able to explain to them how to do it. And it worked out to their benefit, where basically their income doubled after a year and a half. And it was very rewarding from that perspective. I was a consultant to see that.
[22:25] Tara Bansal: How did you find the initial clients, the law firms?
[22:31] Al Conti: Word of mouth from other consultants that we knew.
[22:34] Tara Bansal: Okay.
[22:34] Al Conti: Okay. In fact, except for the Asheville, it shows you networking. I don't know. It always works. The Nashville client, the managing partner at that time of that firm, he. He had a dog, and he needed the dog to be trained and also to be. Had to have a trimming done or whatever they did. But it was pretty much to train the dog. My colleagues daughter had a business in Asheville, and he walked in with his dog and he was explaining to her, yeah, we're really in a pickle. You know, our executive, a guy that ran our office, has left us. We don't know what we're going to do. And she said, well, my dad, he has a consulting company. Give him a call, he may be able to help you. Who knows? That's how that came about. And it was almost two years of work, and they paid us very handsomely for it, too. Again, that was another good financial thing, because that all got added to the principles. So.
[23:54] Tara Bansal: And about how many hours a week would you work?
[23:58] Al Conti: We gave them about 2 hours, two and a half days a week. Okay. So that would be about 20 hours a week is what we gave them, roughly. And in some. In some cases, it was more, you know, we would organize the management committee meeting, we would set the agenda. You know, we would help, we would help run that. We ran all the financials, prepared the financial reports, paid the bills, did all of that check, track down the accounts receivables, all the stuff that you do to keep the cash coming in the door.
[24:35] Tara Bansal: Whose idea was it to do the consulting firm? Or was it just both of you talking?
[24:43] Al Conti: And then it was both of us talking. Paul the cow, he had a way, way, way back when, and I'm talking about the seventies, he had a consulting firm and he did that for a couple of years, and then he went in house. And so I think he always had the envision that he would do this some point, but it was a good transition from working in the law firm to be able to continue to work with the law firms and share our knowledge with them, to help them become more successful than they were. Lawyers are good at practicing law, but they're awful at organizing and financially taking care of it.
[25:30] Tara Bansal: Yeah. But I also think those are different skill sets. Being a lawyer versus running the firm and managing the firm.
[25:39] Al Conti: Now, there are exceptions, there are a few exceptions here and there, but those are different skill sets.
[25:45] Christina Donovan: When you decided to do the consulting, can you remember how long it had been since you left the law firm in Delaware? Like, you obviously had a break. Was it almost immediate?
[26:00] Al Conti: Probably about a year, year and a half. That's what I think, at least if not two years, because I left Wilmington in 2008. I think it was in April of 2008. So I think it was probably 2010 or eleven.
[26:22] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[26:22] Al Conti: And we did the couple, we did a couple of years of just odds and ends, and then probably 2012 that we were there for about two to three years at, at the actual offering, so.
[26:37] Christina Donovan: And did you feel ready at that point to do, like to go back and do work again?
[26:44] Al Conti: Yeah.
[26:45] Christina Donovan: Yeah. Like, would you say you had, you had missed it or you were just ready for like something new and different?
[26:53] Al Conti: It was, it was a good bridge and a good transition. Even though I had things to do, I did not have. And this might be something that some of your questions. I didn't have a hobby. Okay. My hobby was the family with the children, with the sporting activities. And of course, my hobby also was with the softball during the season that we could play, having played two or three times a week religiously. So, I mean, you know, I didn't have a hobby that I could go back to. I didn't have a woodworking hobby, you know, and so that, you know, so that, you know, that sort of was a good transition to do that. But since then, I have picked up some things that, you know, have sort of helped me along the lines and filled my retirement period.
[27:53] Christina Donovan: Yeah. You're one of the busiest people I know.
[27:56] Al Conti: Well, yeah, no, I do keep myself busy, you know. You know, here and now, I'm a beekeeper. We got beehives. I have my garden plot with all kinds of different vegetables. I bake. I love to bake. I love to make things. I try to even dinners. So mom and I fight about who's going to. Who's going to cook the dinner tonight. You know, that kind of.
[28:21] Tara Bansal: And you help on the board where you guys live. You're involved with that.
[28:27] Christina Donovan: And you play pickleball.
[28:29] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[28:29] Al Conti: The residence cup. That's right. So, yeah, I play pickleball three times a week. Play today for two plus hours.
[28:37] Tara Bansal: Yeah. So do you think that break from when you left Delaware till you started the consulting was good for you just to have that, or like, would you. Yeah. In what way?
[28:56] Al Conti: It. Let me sit back and think about what's the next phase? What do I want to do? How am I going to do it? Okay. Fortunately, financially, I don't think. That was not an issue at that point. Point. All right. So I could put that aside, and that made it easier. A lot of people worry about finances, and I've been fortunate that I've not had to worry about that. Somehow it gets done. Somehow everything gets paid or the funds come in. Funds come in. That helped me with the transition. And then having the little consulting business was good. Okay. Because it made me continue to use my brain, so to speak, what there is of it, basically to keep it active. All right.
[29:57] Tara Bansal: And feel you like the satisfaction of helping. It sounds like also.
[30:04] Al Conti: Yeah, that underlines it all. I mean, if I was to identify why I did it, it was, you know, it wasn't personal gratification as much. It was to help them become successful, because they had the resources to be successful as long as they would listen and implement what had to be done. And to their credit, Paul, and I say, I've said this many times afterwards, to their credit, they listened and they tinkered with it a little bit, but they implemented. And so many consultants will give you the plan, but the problem is the implementation and the execution. What they were smart enough to do was say, okay, we like your plan. They told us that when the first, I don't know, after the first two or three months that we laid out the plan for, they said, now we want to hire you to implement and execute. You guys have got to execute this for us. Okay. You don't find that for many law firms, unfortunately, and, or any business probably. I mean, I don't know.
[31:16] Tara Bansal: And that made all the difference. I mean, I can relate to that on many levels. Yeah, I'm sure.
[31:21] Al Conti: And that, and that was very rewarding on both. On both sides.
[31:27] Tara Bansal: Yeah, that's great. What were some of your biggest concerns as you approached retirement?
[31:39] Al Conti: I think the biggest concern I had is, what am I going to do? All right. How am I going to keep myself busy? It's difficult when you walk out of your, wherever you were employed after you've been there every single day. In this case, I had worked for, I guess it was almost 50 years, jobs, whatever they were, 810 hours, twelve hour days, five days a week, and sometimes our weekends off and on. And now all of a sudden you walk out, that's it, you're done. What are you going to do? You know? And, you know, as I said earlier, I didn't have a hobby to fall back to, and everybody says you should have a hobby. But I found things. That's where the home and Alita was very helpful because we were still working for. I was still working for about four years after a leader was built, and we would come back and forth. So that's sort of, and I figured out what I had to do in a leader to keep busy, you know, whether it was, you know, on the homeowners association there or, you know, whatever it was. So it was a lot that kept me busy. Yeah.
[33:04] Tara Bansal: Would you say it was a harder transition on you or mom with retirement?
[33:11] Al Conti: As I was retired, mom would be cooking, getting dinner ready or what have you, and I was hovering over her, and she had to keep telling me, stop hovering over me or I stir the pot or I turn the flame up. She says, no. She said, I'm doing that. So it was hot. I think it was hard because I was looking to, I wanted to do.
[33:35] Tara Bansal: Something, and that was her domain. That was her, you know, space.
[33:42] Al Conti: That's right. I was infringing on her domain. Yeah. I guess I was being more forceful than I should have been, but we survived.
[33:53] Tara Bansal: How did you find the resources and get the help to prepare for your retirement?
[34:01] Al Conti: I don't know if I. I mean, I read a lot of articles and I would read the paper every day. Between the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, there are lots of articles about how to prepare for retirement, what you should do financially, all of that type of thing. And of course, working with you, Terry, early on when we had those two accounts and we decided to do a financial plan, that sort of helped. Do you remember one of the things I wanted to do with my financial planning? What was one of the goals I had? Do you remember what it was?
[34:40] Tara Bansal: You know, I don't know.
[34:42] Al Conti: My goal was to buy a truck.
[34:45] Tara Bansal: Oh, yeah, I do. Now that you say that.
[34:49] Al Conti: You asked me the question, what is it? If you could do anything. I said, I want to. I want a truck. I want to buy a truck. A little red truck. I saw. So.
[34:59] Tara Bansal: And you never bought your little red truck.
[35:02] Al Conti: Never got my little red truck.
[35:06] Tara Bansal: What are some of your words of advice or wisdom for those of us trying to prepare or thinking about retirement?
[35:20] Al Conti: Be patient. Number one, I think, is a good thing to do. Understand that regardless of how well you plan something and how minute detail you'll have it, there will be changes, there will be obstacles that you have to undercome. You need to be flexible enough to understand and be able to be confident that you can solve those. Those problems. I've always said that in my career, I was a problem solver. Okay. I would try and avoid problems, but problems just always come up, and you need to be able to react quickly to those problems and solve them so that everything else continue goes smoothly. So those would be a couple of things I can think of as people think about retiring, getting good advice, being confident. With that advice you get both from financial planners or anybody else, but don't necessarily rely on them. You need to do the due diligence. Also, you got to re retreat the lines of what they're telling you. They have a different perspective than you do. And above all, you need to be honest with any consultant, advisor you're going to have. If you're not honest, you're not going to get a good result.
[37:02] Tara Bansal: Yeah. And when you say honest, what are you referring to.
[37:10] Al Conti: About what you want, what you react? What is reality? Okay. We all have dreams. Don't talk about dreams. Talk about what is possible. I mean, what is. What is actual? What's reality? There is a difference. Okay. I mean, I'd love to be driving around in this, you know, this huge $250,000 Ferrari, you know, but that ain't. But, you know, it would be fun to tool around in one of those, you know, or even have a motorcycle. Okay. That's not going to happen in my lifetime.
[37:48] Tara Bansal: How old were you?
[37:50] Al Conti: That's a dream, huh? Yeah, that's a dream.
[37:53] Tara Bansal: How old were you when you left Wilmington? And basically stopped working full time.
[38:04] Al Conti: 68. I was 68 and a half. I guess. I was almost. No, I was 68.
[38:10] Tara Bansal: Yes.
[38:11] Al Conti: Yeah.
[38:14] Tara Bansal: Did you have expectations on how long you wanted to work or when you expected to retire?
[38:22] Al Conti: No, I thought I'd retire at 65. Okay. And that didn't happen. So it was 68 when I retired.
[38:34] Tara Bansal: And that's because you chose that. I do think, you know, like, with this opportunity presented itself and you wanted it. I'm shifting gears a little bit. What, when you think about midlife, what did you think about that before you were, you know, going through midlife and then how was that for you?
[39:01] Al Conti: Well, midlife was a. Was a busy time. You know, if you assume midlife is mid forties to mid fifties, I guess. I don't know if that's what you consider that that was a busy time because ourodus was going to college, I guess, for the first time at the end of that or at the beginning of that. And then there was just every other year someone was going to college, and every other year someone was graduating. So for quite a few years, you know, that was my midlife was getting people ready for college, getting them into college, graduating college, dealing with all the issues of colleges that everybody has, big or small, paying for. Yeah, that. That, again, you know, very fortunate that I was working for a company that really ended up paying me well at that time and treated me accordingly, and it was very fortunate that we. I was able to pay for everybody's college education.
[40:23] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[40:24] Tara Bansal: I mean, I. The fact, just so people know, there were seven kids in 14 years, and so I know at one point, Tina, Cindy, and I all were in college at the same time, so you had three. That was the worst, I'm sure.
[40:41] Al Conti: But, uh, and two of you at the same school, so.
[40:44] Tara Bansal: Yeah, yeah.
[40:45] Christina Donovan: Expensive school.
[40:46] Tara Bansal: And they didn't give a discount for that. That's an accomplishment in itself. I mean, do you feel like midlife was harder than you expected, or you were just so busy?
[41:02] Al Conti: I think, to be honest with you, you're asking questions, and that never happened. I get up in the morning, I get dressed, I go to work, I come home, know, mom was at home, so I knew. I knew home was taken care of. She was watching over the kids. I had great comfort in that. So I wasn't able to go do what I had to do to financially provide all. Everything for the family. And that, to me, was the midlife was financial security, and being able to provide that financial security, I mean, that gets back down to that for me, for midlife crisis. I wasn't really. I was so swamp otherwise, you know, and in between all of that, you know, I guess that was probably when. Yeah, that. That's probably when I started coaching hockey, too, shortly thereafter.
[41:54] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[41:54] Al Conti: And ended up doing that for almost 15 years. So, I mean, you know, that's, you know, that that was a busy time between working coach and ice hockey, you know, from September until March, you know? So.
[42:12] Tara Bansal: Any regrets or lessons in hindsight that you think you would have changed.
[42:20] Christina Donovan: Or wish you had done differently or.
[42:24] Tara Bansal: Known something, you know, more about that?
[42:28] Al Conti: That's a very interesting question. Any regrets? There's a few. Okay. You know, I wish I had handled a couple of situations differently. If I had had the foresight to realize what was happening, you know, that would have been. Or the total picture, and I was blinded on one side because I didn't open my eyes, you know, but that's part of life. I mean, we all go through those, so, you know, but I don't know. I don't think I have any regrets about what I've done and how I did it. I think I always treated people as I wanted to be treated. Okay? And I think people respected that. I always was loyal to people. You know, trust was a big word in my vocabulary, in vocabulary. And I think having trust is important in anything and everything that you do. People would come in and close the door and talk to me, okay? And I would just listen to them. And these are partners. I mean, these are high powered people, okay, dealing with bet your companies, all right? And I would say a few words. They just needed someone to come and talk to, and they didn't have anybody, all right? And so, you know, you just sort of help them as best you could. I don't have any. You know, they were certainly a lot smarter than I ever would be. A little was or am. But they. They felt it was. It was comforting to them. And same with. Same with staff. Same as who was staff? Staff came in and told me something. It never went out of the office. I mean, same with the partners, I mean, and they knew that. Okay? I think that gave them comfort. Once they told me something, it was that it never. It ever left unless they wanted it out. Okay? And that was up to them.
[44:56] Tara Bansal: I think that's why you were successful.
[44:59] Al Conti: I still am in touch with some people from ten years ago, 20 years ago. Just, you know, email here and there. I get to. I get together at lunch with people from Wilmington, you know, through of them, for them, you know, just, you know, why. Why they were fun people. I enjoyed being with them. So we just have a good time. I bring them baked goods. That's what they really like.
[45:27] Tara Bansal: See, I remember you used to have the candy jar, too, at your office, because we all would have some of that. What would you say your superpower is?
[45:44] Al Conti: Oh, superpower. You mean like Superman?
[45:48] Tara Bansal: No, like, what's your greatest strength? Maybe I should say that. What comes easily to you?
[45:56] Al Conti: I think I get along with people very well. Very easily, and. And I think it's a comfort to them. Maybe, but I think loyalty is involved. Superpower.
[46:27] Tara Bansal: I think Tina and I can both say what we think. But I wanted to hear what you thought.
[46:32] Al Conti: Dad, maybe you should tell me what I said when I supervalu you guys. Well, you know, I'm a bad judge of myself, and I always.
[46:47] Tara Bansal: Go ahead, team.
[46:49] Christina Donovan: I think your superpower is your ability to talk to just about everybody and make them feel at ease and make them feel important.
[46:59] Al Conti: Yeah, that's sort of where I was going that in my first.
[47:03] Tara Bansal: Yeah, with people.
[47:04] Christina Donovan: Yeah, yeah, definitely people oriented.
[47:08] Tara Bansal: I agree. That's what I was going to say. Tina said it more articulately than I.
[47:13] Al Conti: Would have, but I think that's. That's probably accurate. So.
[47:19] Tara Bansal: Yeah. Just how caring and interested you are in people and.
[47:25] Christina Donovan: Yeah, that comes across.
[47:26] Tara Bansal: Across the board.
[47:27] Al Conti: Yeah, no, I. That's all part of that, too, of what I was telling about people coming in and closing the door. They knew I cared about. Ok. You know, I.
[47:39] Tara Bansal: They could trust you, and you kept your word and.
[47:44] Christina Donovan: But it's not just, I mean, people you work with, definitely. But even people, whether, like, you have transactions with, I don't know, people.
[47:54] Tara Bansal: The checkout person at the supermarket, the pool taker.
[47:59] Christina Donovan: I mean, anytime I've ever watched you interact with somebody, there's. There's definitely a warmth and a connection that you strive to make, and I think people realize that.
[48:11] Tara Bansal: And a genuineness.
[48:12] Christina Donovan: Yes.
[48:13] Tara Bansal: Like, yeah, I.
[48:15] Al Conti: Reach out. There's an old at and t commercial. What is it? Reach out. Reach out and touch someone.
[48:28] Tara Bansal: Oh, yeah, that's an oldie.
[48:30] Christina Donovan: That's an oldie.
[48:33] Al Conti: Yeah. I think that would sum me up if I had a power superpower, as you ask. As you say, it would be probably. Yeah. And do things. I love to do things with people. Mom always says you're always doing something for somebody. You know, I like to do that. I enjoy doing it. You're not looking for any reward or satisfaction. It's just fun to do, and that's.
[49:04] Tara Bansal: Just who you are. I think that's just. Yeah. You're not doing it for a reason or to get anything out of it. What. What do you love to do now?
[49:21] Al Conti: I love to bake. I love to cook. I love to. That's. That's another. I love to read as much as I can read because when I was working, I was reading so many other things.
[49:39] Tara Bansal: Yeah. Things for work. Yeah.
[49:41] Al Conti: Never had a real chance to read as much as I like to read. And, I mean, I love plants and flowers and vegetable plants and flowers, so, yeah, I think that those are pretty much a homebody.
[50:03] Tara Bansal: Yeah. But you also.
[50:04] Christina Donovan: You're also physically active. I mean, you like to walk, you.
[50:07] Tara Bansal: Like, play sports still to this day and watch sports.
[50:13] Christina Donovan: And watch sports.
[50:14] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[50:15] Al Conti: Yeah, watch sports. You know. Yeah. Physically, I work out most days, if not every day, five days a week at least. So, yeah, I love to eat.
[50:32] Tara Bansal: I think that's a family thing. If money or time was not an issue, is there something you would do that you're not doing?
[50:47] Al Conti: Travel.
[50:48] Tara Bansal: Travel more.
[50:51] Al Conti: I'd love to travel. I'd love to go somewhere.
[50:55] Tara Bansal: And. Is that more a money issue or a time issue in your mind?
[51:01] Al Conti: It's a time. Well, I don't know if it's a time issue. Probably a time issue. Yeah, we got to define the time. Yeah, I won't go by myself.
[51:11] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[51:15] Al Conti: So, you know, we're. We're going to be traveling over the 4 July. I'm looking forward to that with the, you know, and I've done. And I enjoyed the traveling that I've done before that, too, so. But I enjoy traveling with family also, so it's a combination, not just traveling by yourself, which is fun. I say by myself. It needs. With Tory, my wife, it's also with family members. It's fun, you know, doing things together, so. Oh, if I could do anything, I would love to be a jet pilot.
[52:08] Tara Bansal: Well, that is.
[52:09] Christina Donovan: You could take flying lessons, dad.
[52:11] Tara Bansal: Now you can.
[52:14] Al Conti: Well, I don't know. I think I have to get permission for that.
[52:21] Tara Bansal: There's an advisor in our office that's doing that. Yeah, there's an advisor in our office, I think. I don't know. He's not as old. He's not 82, but he's, I think, in his seventies, and he's taking flying lessons, so not too late. What are you most worried about now? Is there anything else? Health.
[52:51] Al Conti: Yeah, health. I think at this age, health, you know, that's a worry.
[53:05] Christina Donovan: Do you feel like you just worry less about things now than you did maybe 20 years ago? Or do you still just find other things to worry about?
[53:16] Al Conti: I don't worry. Yeah, I don't, I don't worry. I really don't. And it goes back to what I told you earlier, that I'm a problem solver. Okay? I solve problem. Now, I don't necessarily wait for the problem to come up before I solve it, but I will I anticipate it. Yes, but will I dissipate it the way some people worry about things that they worry about ten different permutations of a problem and how are they going to solve those ten issues or ten permutations of that problem? What if this happened? What if that happens? And so how am I going to do that? I don't worry about that. I wait for the problem to come and then I'll solve, figure out, I'm smart enough to figure it out as to how it's going to be solved and what has to be done to solve. Now, if you're dealing with people, sometimes they don't appreciate what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. So you got to convince them not, not always so like, like a car. Okay. I, I don't worry about a flat tire because if it's flat, if it goes flat, I'll worry about it then and get it fixed as where some people, well, what if I get flat tire going from here from a to B to C to d? You know, is there someone around that could fix it for me? You know, I don't worry about that. I'm not like that kind of a person. I know that's a silly example, but it sort of explains.
[55:10] Tara Bansal: What I'm hearing is you have the confidence and faith in yourself that you will solve the problem when it happens. How do you think you got that? Like, do you think you were born wired that way or are you learned.
[55:31] Al Conti: That I was one wired that way? But I think growing up the way I did back then in the, in that timeframe, say from the mid forties to the late fifties, where you solved your own problems, you were out in the street, you got an issue, you solved it. Okay. Aha. You know, what are we going to do here? How are we going, how are we going to build a ball field? You know, where is the, you know, you solve them yourself and you just did it. All right? You just made it happen. Yeah, that helps.
[56:14] Tara Bansal: Tina, any other questions that come to mind for you?
[56:18] Christina Donovan: No, I think it's been really interesting and helpful to listen to you, dad.
[56:26] Al Conti: Well, I don't know, if I was answering the question the way you wanted.
[56:29] Tara Bansal: To, but there's no. We just wanted to.
[56:33] Christina Donovan: Yeah. And I mean, that's the thing. You've had a successful retirement. I mean, that's. There's no question about that.
[56:42] Al Conti: It's all about family to me. And I think everybody, it is, no matter what you do, it comes back to that as far as I'm concerned.
[56:55] Tara Bansal: I love that.
[56:55] Al Conti: And being a role model for that. I mean, you asked a question earlier and I think there's a saying, do what I do, not what I tell you to do, that type of thing. Okay. And actions speak louder than words. And so how you act is very, very important because I have learned from all of you, and it blew my mind multiple times how observant each one of you and all of you being all of the children were. Maybe with the exception of one. But how observable when you were growing up and observed things, and 30 years later, you bring up what took place back then when you were 810, twelve years old. As to how it impacted on you. We, as a senior person today at least, I don't realize that impact that we had on the children just because you are watching what we do and you were mimicking what we do. And I never had a chance to think about that back then.
[58:26] Tara Bansal: But that's something that stands out to you now that you didn't realize back then.
[58:31] Al Conti: Yeah, very much. And thank goodness, hopefully I didn't do anything really bad.
[58:39] Tara Bansal: Yeah. No, I think. I mean, for me, I feel like you're such a great role model for living a life of integrity and kindness and love.
[58:54] Al Conti: So that would. I would. I hate to say it, but I think you're probably right. I would never say it that way, but I think you probably. Yeah.
[59:08] Tara Bansal: Anything else you'd like to share, dad? That either a question you wish we had asked or that.
[59:18] Al Conti: I can't think of anything at this point, I can't think of anything that I would like to say.
[59:24] Tara Bansal: Wow. Thank you so much.
[59:26] Christina Donovan: Yeah. Thank you, dad, for taking the time.
[59:29] Tara Bansal: And sharing all that you did.
[59:31] Al Conti: I'm not sure I gave you what you wanted, but, you know, you gave.
[59:34] Tara Bansal: Us exactly what we wanted. I think there's lots of treasures in here. Yeah.
[59:42] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[59:44] Tara Bansal: Thank you.
[59:44] Christina Donovan: Thank you for the time, then.
[59:47] Al Conti: Well, you're welcome.
[59:48] Tara Bansal: I don't want to ramble on too long here, but I do feel like I have a lot I could say about this episode and talking to our dad, the most important. And I think it's funny that he even brought it up is around children observing and seeing and noticing what their parents do. And I feel like both my father and mother are such incredible role models and we got to see and observe them. I feel like live a great life very intentionally around their values and around retirement. We wanted to talk to my dad because of what a great job he did and the different transitions. And gradually, I'm not saying it was easy, but I feel like they were wise in how they did it and they are great examples for us. What also stood out for me was him talking about the twists and turns and surprises in life. He had a vision for what he thought his retirement would look like. And things changed, things appeared. And that's true for all of us. Not all of them are good, but you don't know what direction your life's gonna go. I loved my dad's confidence in being able to handle whatever happens and his attitude around that. I am a worrier. He said, you know, some people worry and he doesn't. I wish I had inherited that gene some more, but I just. I just loved that ability that he has not to worry and the confidence in being able to handle whatever comes his way. And it shows. I mean, my dad, I do feel like, has handled a lot. Both my parents have throughout their life. He emphasized patience around retirement. Things will keep changing, keep working to figure it out. Something that stood out to me. We talked about Oleta. So this was the home that they built outside of Hendersonville because of this postcard they got in the mail when they lived in Atlanta. For me, Oleta and I think for most of our family, Oleta was such an important part of the family, like almost like the 8th child in how they got to create it and how proud they were. But also how when we all came together at that house every year, Tina's family went at least once, sometimes twice. And I know it just has so many special memories for all of us. And it was really hard for my parents to leave that place. I worked with my parents around their finances with Oleta. My dad kept saying, we'll be here five more years, the next year, five more years. And I felt like he kept pushing it out. I think part of that was, it was hard to imagine leaving, but it finally, I think, was my mom who was like, we need to move on. Even that they did it gradually. It may have felt abrupt at the end, but they had different apartments and were starting to look and live in different places in different ways than being full time at Oleta. It also just reminded me of grieving. I think leaving that house was sad and hard and bittersweet and big changes for retirement. People think it's going to be this wonderful, rosy, perfect time. Leaving your full time job and your identity is such a drastic change. Allow yourself to grieve that and allow yourself time to process it and change it. I think it's interesting that my dad did nothing for about 18 months after he quit his full time job before starting the consulting. From my experience, it is between two and three years when most people feel like they get bored or are looking for something new after their quote unquote retirement. My dad was very open. He didn't have hobbies and yet he's one of, as Tina said, one of the busiest people we know. He's so involved and doing lots and lots of things that I think he's now hopefully enjoying and he's we had him here as a role model. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as we did. We'll catch you next time. Thank you. For show notes and other information about our podcast, please go to our website, messymiddlescence.com. If you enjoyed listening, please share with others and come back for more.
[01:04:42] Christina Donovan: Our quote today “Treat retirement like a camera by focusing on what's important. Be sure to capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don't turn out the way you hoped, take another shot.” Unknown.
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Albert Conti was born and raised in Cranston, Rhode Island. He has a younger sister and his parents were both first generation Italian-Americans.
He graduated from Merrimack College in N. Andover Massachusetts with a bachelors degree in accounting. He began his professional career as an auditor for Price Waterhouse in Philadelphia and New York City. Al moved to a Controller position at Millbank Tweed Hadley and McCoy in New York City – where he began a long and extremely successful career working in law firm administration and management. He was Managing Director for many large law firms including Squire Sanders in Cleveland, Kirkpatrick Lockhart in Pittsburgh, and Powell Goldstein and the Coca-Cola Legal Division in Atlanta. He ended his full-time career as COO for Morris Nichols in Delaware.
Al was able to combine extraordinary managerial skills and experience with expert financial practices and analysis. After retirement, these skills were instrumental to his being a founding partner and independent consultant at Leadership Alternatives, LLC. through which Al worked with several law firms in the Asheville, NC area.
In addition to his successful professional career, Al was an active volunteer for many different organizations. He was a member of the Jaycees, was on the board of Big Brothers Big Sisters, Cool Girls, Pittsburgh Children’s Festival and served multiple terms on the parish councils at St. Mary’s in Hudson, Ohio and St. John’s in Upper St. Clair, PA. He was a beloved and highly successful youth hockey coach both in Pittsburgh and Atlanta for 12 years. He served as President and on the Property Owners Association board at the Oleta Falls community where he moved after retiring.
Al is married to his wife of 59 years, Victoria (Tori) Walsh Conti. He has 7 children and 16 grandchildren.
Al is an avid sports lover – both in terms of watching and playing sports. He played recreational softball and ice hockey for many years. He has recently discovered the joys of pickleball which he now plays several times a week. In addition to playing pickleball, Al stays active in retirement by baking, reading, gardening, and tending bees.